’s 2013 Ultimate Summer Movie Guide

July 19



You’re there to see: Mary Louise Parker in a hot cop uniform.
In a nutshell: In the afterlife, deceased cops must defend the world from evil CGI monsters.
You’ll like it if:  You prefer to see it as an homage, rather than a ripoff of Dead Like Me.

Red 2


You’re there to see: Helen Mirren, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Mary Louise Parker with a gun.
In a nutshell: Another “retired secret agents hijinks” movie, in which Oscar winners gleefully get to play it to the hilt.
You’ll like it if: You wished the first one was two hours longer.

The Conjuring


You’re there to see: Lili Taylor making a terrified face (she is really good at them).
You’ll like it if: You live in a house without a basement or any closets. 

July 26

The Wolverine


You’re there to see: Famke Janssen in the flashback scenes.
In a nutshell: Wolverine in Japan. Gee, I wonder if he’ll beat the bad guy?
You’ll like it if: You still have some goodwill for Hugh Jackman left over from Les Miserables.


August 2

Two Guns

courtesy Universal Pictures

You’re there to see: Paula Patton
In a nutshell: Another buddy cop action-comedy, but Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg actually have the cocky confidence to which many of their peers merely aspire.
You’ll like it if: You develop amnesia between seeing any of the above cop movies and this one.

The Spectacular Now

courtesy 21 Laps Entertainment

You’re there to see: Jennifer Jason Leigh, Shailene Woodey
In a nutshell: This Sundance darling follows the bittersweet romance between two high schoolers.
You’ll like it if: You always fall for the nerdy girls.

August 9



You’re there to see: Jodie Foster, Matt Damon
In a nutshell: In a future in which the wealthy live on a pristine space station while the poor are stuck on the giant trash heap that is Earth, one man must don a robot exoskeleton and fight for income equality. Socialism, y’all.
You’ll like it if: The phrase “socially conscious sci fi” is basically a turn-on.

We’re The Millers

courtesy Warner Brothers

You’re there to see: Jennifer Aniston, Emma Roberts, Kathryn Hahn
In a nutshell: To pull off a drug run, a group of acquaintances pose as a family.
You’ll like it if: You love to cheer for the bad guys.

I Give it a Year


You’re there to see: Rose Byrne, Anna Faris, Minnie Driver, the unspeakably hilarious Olivia Colman
In a nutshell: A couple begins to regret their impetuous marriage, aided by their friends’ snarky commentary.
You’ll like it if: You’re married, want to get married, or just want to laugh at the expense of the institution.

In A World*

courtesy 3311 Productions

You’re there to see: Lake Bell, Geena Davis, Tig Notaro, Nick Offerman
In a nutshell: A female vocal coach must fight prejudice and her male rivals to get the voiceover gig of a lifetime. 
You’ll like it if: See that picture of Lake Bell?  She wrote, directed, and starred in this movie. You’ll like it. Trust me.


courtesy Millenium entertainment

You’re there to see: Amanda Seyfried, Juno Temple
In a nutshell: This biopic tells the story of legendary porn star Linda Lovelace, who was abused, both by the industry and her husband.
You’ll like it if: You can overcome your gag reflex long enough to watch Seyfried earn her first Oscar nomination.

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