AfterEllen.com’s 2013 Ultimate Summer Movie Guide

 
 

June 21 

World War Z

 

You’re there to see: Cute girl zombies, I guess?
In a nutshell: This huge-budget adaptation of the beloved book has had a tough road to the big screen, but hopefully can keep the best bits of its source material, about a worldwide zombie apocalypse.
You’ll like it if: You love Brad Pitt. Or, alternatively, you want to see Brad Pitt menaced by armies of the undead.

As Cool as I Am

You’re there to see: Claire Danes, Sarah Bolger
In a nutshell: Based on the novel by the same name, this is an indy coming of age story in which—according to the IMDB page—Alanis Morissette plays herself and the main character is named Lucy Diamond. I’m sold.
You’ll like it if: You would pay ten dollars to watch Claire Danes balance her checkbook.

June 28

The Heat

This trailer is NSFW (but totally worth it.)

 

You’re there to see: Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock
In a nutshell: Two goddesses of physical comedy take on the buddy-cop genre.
You’ll like it if: You have any sense of humor/a best friend.

White House Down

 

You’re there to see: Maggie Gyllenhall as a Secret Service agent (the woman can rock a pantsuit and an earpiece).
In a nutshell: When the White House is under attack, a lone Secret Service agent and the president must…zzzzzzzzz.
You’ll like it if: You can sleep through loud explosions.

Byzantium

 

You’re there to see: Gemma Arterton and Saoirse Ronan bathe in rivers of blood like a nightmare Herbal Essences commercial.
In a nutshell: A mother and daughter traverse the ages as vampires, struggling with all the usual moral conundrums.
You’ll like it if: You’re not sick of vampires yet.

I’m So Excited

 

You’re there to see: Penelope Cruz as a baggage handler (oh the puns).
In a nutshell: High times and lowbrow humor on the world’s campiest airline.
You’ll like it if: You’re into early Almodovar films/drugs.

July 3

The Lone Ranger

 

You’re there to see: Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter doing that one thing they both do.
In a nutshell: Disney is counting on the action/comedy formula of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, plus a doubtful nostalgia for the original TV show to make this a huge hit.
You’ll like it if: You’re not a Native American, probably.

The Way, Way Back

 

You’re there to see: Toni Collette. Allison Janney, Maya Rudolph
In a nutshell: A young man finds himself while working among misfits at a water park.  It’s an old story, but if the trailer is any indication, it’s told with humor and poignancy here.
You’ll like it if: You can buy Steve Carrell as a jerk.

July 12

The Hot Flashes*

 

You’re there to see: Wanda Sykes, Virginia Madsen, Brooke Shields, Camryn Manheim, and Daryl Hannah in a cowboy hat.
In a nutshell: A group of older women re-form their high school basketball team to take on the high school champs.  Even if there is no overt lesbian content, this may be gayest movie ever made.
You’ll like it if: You’ve long dreamed of a love child of Calendar Girls and A League of Their Own.

July 19

Girl Most Likely

 

You’re there to see: Kristen Wiig, Annete Bening, Natasha Lyonne, Darren Criss
In a nutshell: Wiig’s character suffers a breakdown and must stay with her estranged mother while she recovers. It’s Bridesmaids meets Postcards From The Edge, which is a pretty winning combination.
You’ll like it if: You can stand to see Darren Criss kissing someone other than Chris Colfer.

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