AfterEllen.com’s 2013 Ultimate Summer Movie Guide

 
 

June 7

Much Ado About Nothing

 

You’re there to see: A bunch of Joss Whedon alums in a film directed by the man himself.
In a nutshell: Love, lust, and the battle of the sexes in one of Shakespeare’s most beloved comedies, given a classy black-and-white treatment here.
You’ll like it if: You’re not put off by a little iambic pentameter.

The Purge

You’re there to see: Lena Headey’s suburban mom haircut.
In a nutshell: A seemingly utopian future America devolves into chaos on the one night a year when all crime is legal. Could be a smart thriller, or it could be just another in a long line of paranoid home invasion flicks in which a tepid father character must inject himself with testosterone to protect his family.
You’ll like it if: You are much braver than me, because that trailer looks straight up terrifying.

Syrup*

 

You’re there to see: Amber Heard, Brittany Snow
In a nutshell: A cutthroat marketing team must sell a new brand of soda without ever messing up their immaculate hair. Amber Heard has a girlfriend in this one, but according to the trailer she’s “not a real lesbian” and makes out with the male lead.
You’ll like it if: Don Draper is your hero.

Violet and Daisy

 

You’re there to see: Alexis Bledel, Saoirse Ronan
In a nutshell: Bledel and Ronan star as the most adorable pair of assassins since O-Ren Ishii. They’re best friends who love cupcakes, impromptu dance parties, and being agents of carnage on earth.
You’ll like it if: You like your humor like you like your coffee: dark and spiked with ecstasy.

Passion*

 

You’re there to see: Rachel McAdams, Noomi Rapace
In a nutshell: A dark, psychological tale with a lesbian angle, Passion tells the story of a manipulative boss, her even more manipulative employee, and the twisted games they play with one another.
You’ll like it if: You wished that Jenny Schecter and her creepy, haircut-stealing assistant would hook up. 

June 12 

This Is The End

 

You’re there to see: Emma Watson hit Seth Rogen with an axe handle.
In a nutshell: The (male) superstars of comedy, playing themselves, must survive the apocalypse, while fending off their fellow A-listers.
You’ll like it if: You’re not easily offended and you want to see Rihanna slap the shit out of Michael Cera

June 14

Man of Steel

 

You’re there to see: Amy Adams as Lois Lane
In a nutshell: Yet another superhero origin story, but this comes from Zach Snyder and Christopher Nolan, masters visual effects and gravitas, respectively.
You’ll like it if: You like your heroes a little less snarky than Iron Man.

The Bling Ring

 

You’re there to see: Emma Watson and Erin Daniels in a film directed by Sofia Coppola.
In a nutshell: If there’s anyone that could make me care about the exploits of pampered Los Angelinos robbing celebrities, it is the above three people.
You’ll like it if: You’re into a deconstruction of celebrity culture that is equal parts sour and sweet.

20 Feet From Stardom

 

You’re there to see: The women who made some of your favorite songs.
In a nutshell: This documentary explores the lives of some of pop music’s most legendary backup singers, huge talents literally pushed out of the limelight.
You’ll like it if: You got soul.

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