’s 2009 Naughty or Nice List

Jane Lynch becomes fully omnipresent. Transition to deity: 35% complete

Just like God and Santa Claus, Jane Lynch is everywhere. In 2009, she released three films on the big screen (Julie & Julia, Post Grad and Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs); she guested on The L Word, Two and Half Men, Reno 911 and The Cleveland Show; she did voice work for a handful of cartoons; she starred in Starz’s breakout hit Party Down; and she all but locked up an Emmy nod for her turn as the wonderfully psychotic Sue Sylvester in Fox’s money-making machine, Glee.

It’s hard to remember a time when the openly gay actress wasn’t on our radar, but this year she became a household name.

We already worship Jane Lynch, but it will be even easier to covert nonbelievers when she’s a legitimate deity. Next task: omnipotence. We can hardly wait!

They’re coming out, so you better get this party started

It never stops feeling like a victory when celebrities come out as lesbian and bisexual. This year we celebrated with Meredith Baxter, Clementine Ford, Kelly McGillis and Brandi Carlile as they released official statements about their sexuality.

Meredith Baxter:

No, it was pretty much a revelation. The analogy I’ve used is a story [from] when I was a kid. I never could see very well and I said something to my parents and it kind of went unnoticed, or no one really responded to it. I guess I didn’t make enough noise. When I was 12 I tried on a [friend’s] pair of glasses and I was stunned with how clearly I could see. In truth, I used to think trees looked like lollipops because there was a solid stake and this solid ball. I didn’t know most people could see leaves. Oh, this is how the world is perceived? That’s kind of what having that second relationship made me realize — that this is where I want to be because I was dead to the world in many other ways. I’ve been married three times, and I have a slew of children, but I’ve never felt that kind of connection before in that kind of awakening. It was very profound for me.

Clementine Ford:

Look, I am gay, and I just wanted there not to be this big emphasis on it.

Kelly McGillis

[Next time I am in a relationship]. it will definitely be with a woman. [...] Life is a freaking journey, and it’s about growing and changing, and coming to terms with who and what you are, and loving who and what you are.

Brandi Carlile

I hope that somewhere in Small Town, USA, a 15-year-old kid looks to me as a role model the way I looked at the Indigo Girls and Elton John as role models. And I hope they also recognize that the reason why I don’t have to have a lot of formality around it, the reason why I don’t have to wear it on my sleeve and make a spectacle of it, is because there were people before me who paved the way so I wouldn’t have to.

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