AfterEllen.com Huddle: Our 2012 entertainment wishes

 
 

What do we want? Lesbians! When do we want them? Now! Well, not just lesbians, but that is kind of a major theme around here. This time around, we wanted to know what is your entertainment wish for 2012 and, boy, is our collective wish list long.

Karman Kregloe: As a recent (and very hesitant) convert to the church of American Horror Story, I’d love for Jessica Lange to get her own spin-off. She’s the beautifully twisted heart and soul of that show, and I’m thrilled that it has introduced her genius to a whole new generation of TV viewers.

Mia Jones: Yikes, this is a tough huddle. The possibilities are endless and my brain is fried from all of the America’s Next Top Model I’ve had to watch this year. For 2012, I’d really like to see a gay-centric show that treats its characters like real people and not just who they sleep with.

Also, I would really like it if they did a Quantum Leap remake but maybe instead of just one person traveling through time and ending up in different people’s bodies, they could show a whole group of leapers in different scenarios. Damn, I loved that show.

Courtney Gillette: For the love of goodness, please let 2012 be the year Beth Ditto‘s memoir gets released! The last news was from an interview Just Out did with Michelle Tea in late March, where Tea confessed she had no idea when the release date was, but guessed that the book was tied up in some legal issues. Cut that red tape and let the Gossip frontwoman speak! The publisher, Spiegel & Grau, has a list of upcoming releases on their site, but no Ditto. At most, my amateur sleuthing shows that Amazon says it will be released in 2035 (ha!), but Amazon UK (where Beth Ditto is way more appreciated, I’d have to say), says it will be released June 30, 2012. Brits, I’m gonna hold you to that!

Erika Star: I don’t know how 2012 could top a year that gave me a Glee 3D movie, a new k.d. lang album and a single Chaz Bono, but I’m keeping hope alive for a lesbian winner on Project Runway. Rumor has it Zulema from Season 2 was gay, but her lady lovin’ never made the show (which is abominable) and she didn’t win. Hopefully that was an unintentional slight and this new year gives us a fashionable gay lady to crush on. I would fall over myself with excitement to see a lez make it to Fashion Week!

The Linster: My number one wish for entertainment, regardless of medium, is good writing. We saw some this year — Homeland, The New Girl and Enlightened are vastly different, but each took writing and storytelling to a level that made the shows appointment television. I’m tired of lazy, inconsistent TV writing (I’m looking at you, Glee). Entertain us, yes, but also give us the kind of stories that cause us to reflect on what we’ve seen, to find something new in repeated viewings, to unreservedly recommend shows to our friends.

Emily Hartl:I mentioned it in my vote last week for best TV couple of 2011, but I am really rooting for some serious relationship development for Brittana. It’s great that Kurt and Blaine are such a positive example for young gay teens but we really need some sapphic representation — not only for the baby dykes out there needing some reinforcement, but so that the rest of the straight world fully grasps that their relationship goes much deeper than matching uniforms and “lady kisses.”

Marcie Bianco: 30 Rock returns in January, so the part of my wishlist — the craving
of more LIZbeanism — will be met at the beginning of the new year. Other wishes include: 1) the miraculous recovery of five more seasons of Freaks and Geeks; 2) the explanation of Starbuck’s disappearing act at the end of BSG; 3) a television show about academidykes; 4) Whitney Mixter removing her dreds; and 5) Kate Winslet shocking the world by coming out. A fine wishlist if there ever was one.

Grace Chu: I’d like to join the cast of The Real L Word, Season 3, which is to be partially set in New York City. I want to prove to the world that not only do I have working hands, they are so f–king polished that they shine like the top of the Chrysler Building. I also want to reveal a little-known secret to the world. Shh! Come closer — you won’t believe this! New York City has internet, and you don’t have to travel to Los Angeles to start a website. Yes, it is true! We can access the world wide web! We even have free wifi at the MoMA, so we can emote in our LiveJournals for free next to Diego Rivera murals, which means the ghost of Frida Kahlo is also flitting around in the room, painting stern portraits of herself in the air. Take that Los Angeles. What you got?

I live in Manhattan, via Astoria, Queens. On any show, there has to be a dissenter, a troublemaker. I will be that person. Namely, I will not yield to the Brooklyn juggernaut. I will not tolerate oppression from the land of seitan, which sounds suspiciously like “Satan,” but I digress. Brooklyn is full of people that give me hives, such as vegans and perpetual grad students who like to string together big words to make you feel inadequate. The Food Coop should be turned into a GAP boutique immediately, only because I’d like to take photos of the most uptight lesbians on the planet in various states of distress and post them on the internet. (Oh yes, I take photos. I will get to that later.) Only 1% of lesbians live in Brooklyn, but those who live there claim that the borough is the center of lesbian culture, and the rest of us are effectively silenced. This is intolerable. I will occupy Showtime and stand up for the 99%.

Seriously, Astoria is where it’s at. If you don’t see dykes holding hands walking down the street everywhere you look, you’re not looking closely enough. And Astorian lesbians love burgers! Score! But Manhattan will do. We have the ghost of Frida, remember?

When I am not toiling away in one of those tall glass buildings that obstruct sunlight, I take photographs of lesbians who are full of beer. And I’m paid to do it. Money is enough incentive for me to endure lesbian drama on a regular basis, because I’m greedy. If lesbian drama were cereal, I could relay enough lesbian drama to make the entire population of the Tri State area cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs for a year. How long is a year? Longer than 12 hour-long episodes on Showtime, Santa. I know you know that because you’re smart. If you plan to follow me around with a camcorder, bring an extra tape and a hazmat suit, honey.

I first started shooting photos at TruckStop, a classy women’s networking event that had its origins in that urban wasteland in California that I won’t mention by name, and New York City scooped it up and perfected it. Look at the perfection below.

Working hands? We work more than that, sugar.

Pretty soon, promoters around the city — even the ones in (gasp) Brooklyn — started hiring me to take photos of their events, and now Time Out New York sends me to take photos of perfection in the straight and gay world as well. I plan to pursue a career in photography, and I intend to do so on camera. See, if the camera is pointed at me 24/7, I’ll be too ashamed to slack off and play Words with Friends for hours on end, and maybe I’ll be more productive. I want to be in front of the camera as well as behind it. It’s all going to be so meta.

What’s all this talk about perfection, you ask? You see. I am Asian. We are all raised to be perfect. You know this, Santa, because the media tells you this, and everything the media says is true. If Asians aren’t perfect, we don’t get 72 virgins in heaven. I had a perfect math SAT score. I went to one of the top universities in the country. Taking TruckStop photos was clearly the next logical step in achieving perfection, and now, Santa, I implore you to get me one step closer to this elusive ideal.

Put me on The Real L Word. I want to go to heaven and collect on my 72 virgins, dammit.

Yours truly,
Grace Chu

Note: I’m is actually trying out for The Real L Word, mostly to see what Dara will write about me.

Trish Bendix: I’m hoping they decide that another season of The Real L Word may be cheap to make, but doesn’t need to be cheap in content. Also, I’d really like The Corrections to cast someone really awesome as Denise and for the Arrested Development film or Netflix season to start filming.

Bridget McManus: My wish for 2012 isn’t to lose five pounds or for world peace — it’s that The Hunger Games movie and star Jennifer Lawrence somehow surpass (or at least not destroy) the amazing Suzanne Collins trilogy. Jennifer, may the odds be ever in your favor.

Ali Davis: In 2012, I would like someone to swat Jodie Foster‘s Rolodex out of her hands so she stops working with charmers like Roman Polanski and Mel Gibson and instead starts a brilliant adventure series in which she plays a smart, gutsy bi or lesbian spy.

Lucy Lawless plays her nemesis, and they are contractually obligated to kiss at least once per movie. Wanda Sykes plays JodieSpy’s blunt-but-correct boss, Anna Paquin plays a mysterious helpful spy from another agency — or is she?! — and Jodie’s gadgetmaster is played with wry geek humor by an up-and-coming actress/comedienne named Ali Davis. Holland Taylor adds crack and verve as a conflicted but ruthless executive in a mega-powerful corporation and Margaret Cho plays her ever-scheming number two. Pink and Adele collaborate for the soulful yet rocktastic theme music.

Any film executive who suggests dumbing down the plot or dialogue or sending in a male character to rescue the ladies is taken outside and set on fire.

What is your entertainment wish for 2012?

 
 

Tags: , , , , ,