I’ve got a secret. Can you keep it? Swear this one you’ll save? Gonna lock it in your pocket, take this one to the grave?
OK — here it is: I spent the whole winter and most of the spring worried about the second season of Pretty Little Liars. I mean, think about it. Veronica Mars? Greatest first season of TV possibly ever. Weirdest, most unnecessarily complicated second season of TV the WB ever knew. Mean Girls? Most awesome movie in the history of the space-time continuum. Mean Girls 2? I can’t even talk about it. The dreaded sophomore slump is a real thing, and I don’t think I could bear to see Pretty Little Liars go the way of Gossip Girl.
(I’ve also spent a lot of time wondering how the heck they plan to run-down — sorry Hanna — the entire first season in the “Previously on Pretty Little Liars” opening montage. A visual retrospective of Spencer’s literary costumes? A medley of all the women who fell in love with Emily? A series of flashes of every kind of grocery Hanna used for stashing cash? Just Aria’s eyes staring at the camera, unblinking, for like 90 seconds?)
Yesterday I got my hands on a screener for the second season premiere, “It’s Alive,” and whoo boy, were my worries unfounded! Ten minutes in I was gigglesnorting at Hanna’s one-liners, fifteen minutes in I was “awww”ing over Emily’s sweet perfection, twenty minutes in I was hyperventilating because Spencer got naked (you heard me!), thirty minutes in I was like, “What the fffff—” and by the end of the episode I was clapping that way I always do when the Risen Mitten comes to call.
But don’t take my word for it — ABC Family has released three clips from the premiere! In the first one, Emily’s got some supernatural theories.
Leave it to the girl who dated a vampire and a werewolf to jump straight to “zombie.”
In the second clip, Spencer’s voice does the thing where it’s Spencer’s voice.
And that was Spencer’s voice.
And in the third clip, the gorgeous Annabeth Gish makes her first appearance as the girls’ grief counselor.
That thing, Aria? That one thing? Like how the ghost of your best friend made Hanna eat an entire box of pig-shaped cupcakes before hitting her with a car? Or how The Jenna Thing sits on her porch and plays her flute and f–ks her brother and also is a Cylon? Or how you found a flash drive in a lunch box in a storage locker containing creepster video footage of every time you ever changed clothes? Or how sometimes when you and Spencer are on a stakeout in the Mystery Machine, she eats all the Scooby snacks and steals all the covers, but you can’t get too mad because in the morning her voice is even raspier than usual and her lips are kind of pouty because she has a lot of nightmares about not acing her SATs and her hair is sort of a wreck because she fell asleep with one of her hats on again and sometimes when she says “do some sleuthing” you mishear her and think she said “do some snogging” — and does that mean you’re gayer for her than you are for Ezra?
Oh, man. Oh, man. Just writing that paragraph made me fall in love all over again. Nineteen days, my darlings. How excited are you about the return of Pretty Little Liars?