A “True Blood” primer on the lady lovers (and biters) of Bon Temps

 
 

The waiting sucked, but thank God it’s almost over. True Blood returns for its fourth season on Sunday. The HBO vampire (and werewolf and shapeshifter and fairy and witches) drama is set to get Bon Temps rolling again.

Of course, if pointy teeth aren’t really your thing there are other reasons to watch True Blood. Like what, you ask? In a nutshell, everyone is gay. OK, not everyone, but pretty much every single female vampire. Well, except newbie vamp Jessica. But, you know, give her time.

A rundown of all of the lady loving on True Blood, to date:

Pam Swynford De Beaufort (Kristin Bauer): Eric Northman’s progeny. Snappy dresser. Loves the ladies. Works at a strip club with scantily clad ladies, so that works out nicely.

Sophie-Anne Leclerq (Evan Rachel Wood): Queen of Louisiana. Briefly married in a weird vampire power thing to King of Mississippi Russell Edgington. Weird because they’re both gay. Her primary human companion was Hadley, Sookie’s cousin. But Eric bit her and then she ran away.

Nan Flanagan (Jessica Tuck): Spokeswoman for the American Vampire League. Cool, calm and collected on TV. Frisky and fangy in limos with ladies.

Oh, and it also has three real-life gay ladies who star on the show. Sookie herself, Anna Paquin, is bisexual as is Sophie-Anne’s Wood. And new Season 4 cast member Fiona Shaw was in a long-term relationship with fellow actress Saffron Burrows.

Then this season former The L Word actress Janina Gavankar joins the cast. It’s like six degrees of Subaru on this show, seriously. She will play Luna, a sexy shapeshifting school teacher who gets close to Sam, the sexy bar-owning shapeshifter.

Plus we haven’t even begun to address the spoiler going around that a previously straight character will go gay this season. It might be a fella, but it also might be a lady. How about Tara (Rutina Wesley)? She’s had nothing but men problems. And then there is Jessica – I cannot stress to you enough how badly I’d like to see Deborah Ann Woll kiss a lady. I cannot.

This season also brings witches and fairies, which right from the start sounds pretty darn gay to me. And we haven’t even begun to discuss the gay male characters on the show, namely Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) and his boyfriend Jesus (Kevin Alejandro). Plus, even if you don’t like boys, you have to admit the True Blood fellas are pretty. Though not as pretty as the ladies, clearly.

So, are you ready to bite into the new season of True Blood? Of course you are.

 
 

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