“A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila” Recaps: Episode 1.9 “Three’s a Crowd”

Is that all you got? — And they don’t come up with anything worse than eating bull parts. Today’s challenge is merely zip-lining, an adventure for which most people pay a pretty penny.

Amanda makes fun of Bobby "whining" about zip-lining — until she starts hauling her ass up the giant ladder. Then she starts hyperventilating and croaking, "I don’t think I can do this."

Before Amanda can even finish her sentence with "I don’t want to die," Dani has scrambled up to the top of the ladder like a monkey the firefighter that she is. Ever good-natured, she even shouts words of encouragement down to the rest of them.

Dani is the first to take the (literal) plunge, striking a superhero pose as she glides over the treetops. And thus, an avatar is born.

Amanda gets some special coaching from the zip-line sensei, then soars through the air like a pro. Tila is impressed with her for conquering her terror. And Bobby is impressed with himself for doing the same. He tells us, "I manned up and did it, like I always do."

How is it "manning up" when you complete an activity that two women completed right before you?

After all four of them zip-line their little hearts out, they have lunch, and Tila tells them that Bobby will be her date for the evening. And because Dani didn’t pack date clothing, Tila’s arranged for her to go shopping with an assist from Amanda. Let’s just hope that this doesn’t mean Dani has to wear what Amanda wears.

Dude looks like a lady — Bobby shoos Amanda and Dani out to the mall as he preens in front of the mirror, sculpting his hair into some sort of prickly, Hellraiser-ish pompadour for Tila’s (supposed) pleasure. I just hope he doesn’t poke her eye out.

He giggles to himself that he was a "bad boy" at breakfast, and admits that jealousy is "a bitch."

Tila tells us that in her line of work, she gets a lot of attention, and Bobby will need to get a handle on his jealousy if he’s going to be her boyfriend.

He shows up and is all sweetness and light again for Tila. They tease each other about their breakfast spat, and she goads him to sit closer to her. Unlike Amanda, Bobby has definite chemistry with Tila. Like Amanda, Bobby also enjoys it when Tila "takes the lead."

Tila tells Bobby yet again that she could teach him a lot about life, and reassures him that this is a good thing and not a burden for her.

While Bobby is professing his love to Tila, Amanda is at the mall trying to turn Dani into a Pussycat Doll. But not all the silver micro skirts in the world are going to have the power to de-futch Dani. Because she is a good sport, she tries on some of the fugly dresses that Amanda picks out for her.

As she stands there, arms askew, looking mortified and constrained, I can only think of the dreaded pink bunny suit scene at the end of A Christmas Story. (Like Ralphie’s Aunt Clara, Amanda, too, is laboring under the delusion that Dani is a girl.) I just want the late Darren McGavin to come down from the ethers and say to her: "You look like a pink nightmare! Are you happy wearing that? Do you want to take it off? Tell the kid to take it off. Take it off!"

But this sister is doing it for herself, and she finally starts shopping for clothes she would actually wear. She picks out a snazzy black shirt, and Amanda tries her best to relate to Dani’s frustration with her shopping style. She digs deep and comes up with: "She got really frustrated, and so did I. I know that if somebody wanted me to wear something that didn’t like, show off my tits, I’d be really mad."

Meanwhile, Tila has moved Bobby over to the bed by their dinner table, and they roll around all over each other. Bobby moons over how "perfect" the moment is, and I yawn. Then Tila asks him if he’d like to go back to her room, and he giggles, "I thought you’d never ask." I’d love to know what happened after that, but I’m pretty sure that Bobby is a lady and doesn’t talk about those kinds of things.

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