“A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila” Recaps: Episode 1.9 “Three’s a Crowd”

 
 

Servant and servant — Back at the suite, Amanda gussies up for her date and still finds time to taunt Bobby and Dani. Before she leaves to meet Tila, she tells them to just think of her doing unprintable things with her "girlfriend," planting the kind of terrifying image in their heads that can only be cured with copious amounts of alcohol. Luckily, they’re covered.

Despite Tila’s assertion that this is the mother of all dates for her and Amanda, she still greets her with that asexual A-frame hug when Amanda walks into the room. Maybe they could hug less awkwardly if Amanda didn’t insist on wearing platform heels that make her a foot and a half (instead of just one foot) taller than Tila all the time. Each tells the other how beautiful she looks, and I expect them to swap fashion tips instead of fool around. I’m still not seeing the chemistry.

They try to figure out what food has been provided for dinner, and Tila suggests that Amanda take a bite of the mystery meat first, and then let her know what it is and if it’s any good. And Amanda actually does it!

As if that isn’t evidence enough, Tila then asks her if she’s "more dominant or submissive." Amanda bats her lashes and says that she’s more submissive with Tila. Tila smiles encouragingly, but grimaces in a way that says, "Damn, I really wanted you to tie me up."

Amanda is oblivious, telling us, "I like that Tila takes the lead … she is dominant in a relationship."

Tila asks Amanda if she would ever go out with someone like Dani, which is her clever way of talking about the woman she’s really interested in even while on a date with the royal food taster. Amanda makes the "ew, I smell stinky cheese" face and says, "No."

Tila asks why not, and Amanda launches into a full frontal (and B.S.-filled) assault. She tells Tila that Dani is a little too "promiscuous" for her taste. That word catches Tila’s attention, and she asks for more information. Amanda says that Dani likes to "cuddle" with a lot of people (WTF?), and that she is a little too small-time for a woman like Tila.

Then Amanda makes fun of Bobby’s Jed Clampett-esque response to the amenities at their fancy hotel. They share a laugh, but Amanda is laughing at Bobby, while Tila is laughing … well, she’s laughing at him too. But in a sweet, "Isn’t he adorable?" kind of way.

Nevertheless, Tila invites Amanda back up to her room for "dessert," and they end up frolicking in the hot tub. And then they "role play." Amanda thinks Tila is "really good" at it, but watching them play doctor is just so … awkward.

Tila tells her, "Make dolphin noises for Mama!" And, unfortunately, Amanda obliges.

I would rather watch Tila whip out a scalpel and perform an actual surgery on Amanda than listen to them randomly toss unsexy innuendo in each other’s general direction. And despite the bubbles and candles, I expect them to start making out with pillows and comparing bra sizes. Where are their parents?!

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