“A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila” Recaps: Episode 1.8 “Welcome to the Family”

 
 

But it’s clearly not an "eww, gross" no, because when Tila offers her a lap dance, Granny is happy to receive it. In fact, she catcalls Tila, swigging some wine and saying: "Come over here and bounce on me! Put that little butt on this knee!" Tila does just that, and Granny looks like a pretty little pimp, shaking her cane as Tila grinds her.

Dayum, Grandma!

If Granny had been holding her coin purse, I think Tila might have even walked away with some dollars!

Luckily, someone keeps their wits about them and asks the right questions instead of ordering a private dance. Like her firefighting pals, Dani’s mom, Karla, wants to know what Tila has to offer to Dani. And she also wants to know that Tila is sincere (and not using Dani to get more MySpace friends or something) because "Dani only deserves the best."

Mom gets weepy, and she and Tila take a little walk together and have a heart-to-heart. When they return, Tila tells us, "This is what a real family feels like."

Granny is just as cool as her daughter. She tells us that she "doesn’t judge and doesn’t want to be judged." So I guess I should stop calling her a pimp.

By the end of the evening, everyone is weeping and talking about how much they love Dani and just want her to be happy. Tila is clearly moved by the display of genuine love and affection.

Tila and Dani exchange "goodbyes" and loving kisses, but Dani doesn’t jump her like Ryan did, which could hurt Dani at eliminations. But I still think she’ll be safe because Grandma Pat took care of that for her.

We are not family — Back at the crib, the whole gang reconvenes and swaps stories about their experiences with Tila and their families. Each one of them thinks their home visit sealed the deal for them with Tila.

Yes, even Bobby and Ryan, whose mothers probably still have that "I smell something stinky" look on their faces. In fact, Bobby thinks Dani and Amanda are "overconfident" about the whole thing. I can’t wait for him to see the footage and compare his mother’s reaction to that of Amanda and Dani’s families. Jerk.

At eliminations, Bobby is, inexplicably, the first to get a key. Huh? Tila says that she wants to "teach him so many things about life."

Dani gets the second key, and Tila tells her: "When I met your family, for the first time in my life I felt like I had a real family. And that meant a lot to me." So suck on that, Bobby! (Tila also tells us that Dani has caused her to change her mind about being attracted to "that type" of girl. Futch power!)

It comes down to Ryan and Amanda. Ryan says that Amanda is fake, and he lists all of her fake, um, assets. Though he’s right about all of Amanda’s bionic parts, I think a much better example of "fake" is the smile plastered on his mother’s face all night when Tila visited their home.

Despite his assessment, Amanda gets the final key and Ryan is sent packing. He is shocked and insulted, feeling "slapped in the face." His conservative family blew it for him, and it is a real pleasure to see the consequences of their "family values."

After Ryan departs, Tila tells the final three to pack their bags because they’re all going to Cancun!

Next time on A Shot at Love — Amanda fans the hopes and desires of lesbians everywhere when she accuses Dani of being promiscuous.

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