Keys to the kingdom — As promised at the end of the show last week, we pick up where we left off, in full-tilt lesbian drama mode. The show opens with a lingering shot of the giant silver stand that holds the keys turned over on the floor, collateral damage from the Brandi/Vanessa catfight that ensued when Vanessa was eliminated last week.
Brandi stands before Tila, gasping for breath through her tears, trying to explain her bonehead decision to quit the show even though Tila’s just given her one of the treasured you-still-have-a-shot-at-love keys. As Vanessa screams and rants from the foyer downstairs like little Regan MacNeil, Brandi tells Tila goodbye.
Brandi: I’m sorry, Tila. I can’t —
Tila: You’re gonna make me go through all this bulls— to make me regret what I just chose so that you can go f—ing walk out? You’re gonna let me go through all that and then walk out and let me think that I just chose the wrong person?
Brandi is crouched in the floor, rolled up like a pillbug as Tila cries and shrieks at her.
Um, I get that the fight was traumatic for everyone to witness, Tila, but Brandi’s the one who had her hair pulled and her face scratched, not you. I fear that all of this hitting and screaming has sent Brandi tumbling into a shame spiral.
When Brandi finally snaps back into present time, she exits the crib, mumbling: "I’m leaving. I’m done. I’m out!" over her shoulder as others (i.e., Dani) try to convince her to stay. Tila retreats to her boudoir for some quiet contemplation. And probably some tequila.
When she finally returns, she tells them she’s sorry that they had to see the fight and that she sees something "really special" in each one of them. She asks them to put it all behind them and move on. Yes, let’s pretend this never happened and have drinks! Wow, it’s just like a real family!
They all plaster pained, forced smiles on their faces as they go in for a group hug.