A “Rizzoli & Isles” Season 2 primer

Hey, so the Rizzoli & Isles Season 2 premiere is tonight. Why should you care? Well, it stars two beautiful women, Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander. They play a tough Boston homicide detective and sophisticated medical examiner. Together they use their smarts, instincts and friendship to solve crime. Oh, and they act super-duper gay while doing it.

Many lesbian and bisexual fans of the hit TNT crime show tuned in last summer for the friendship and stayed for the subtext. And oh, what glorious, glorious subtext there was. So, in preparation for the show’s return tonight, here is a quick primer on everything you need to know to get up to speed so you can enjoy all the eye sex and TGTGT with the rest of us.

1. Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles are not gay, they just act that way on TV.

This not gay, totally gay cop show features its leads, the tomboyish Detective Jane Rizzoli and high-gloss Dr. Maura Isles, solving cases together while sleeping over in the same bed, playing softball, going undercover at lesbian bars, discussing dildos and bickering like an old married couple while not maintaining any long-standing or meaningful romantic relationships with members of the opposite sex.

2. Whenever possible, they engage in Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching (TGTGT for short).

No, but seriously, they touch each other a lot. A lot.

3. When they aren’t engaging in TGTGT, they’re having eye sex instead.

Eye sex is those long, lingering looks and deep, penetrating stares that Jane and Maura love to give each other when, say, standing over a dead body or facing imminent peril or just sharing a can of tuna together.

4. They even did a whole Very Special Lesbian Episode last season.

Jane went undercover (though, clearly, not a stretch) and posted her profile on a lesbian dating site. Maura posed as a sexy cocktail waitress (again, not a stretch). They slept over with each other, again. And Jane can’t stop staring at Maura’s cleavage.

5. “Are you a Rizzoli or an Isles?” is the new butch/femme.

It really, really is. Jane drinks beer, Maura drinks wine. Jane wears slacks and sensible shoes, Maura wears dresses and expensive heels. Jane is fiercely protective toward Maura, Maura is dotingly attentive toward Jane. Jane even says if they were lesbians “I would be the guy.” So, you know, that settles it.

Rizzoli & Isles airs at 10 p.m. ET/PT on TNT. Live-tweet the show with fellow AfterEllen.com fans (and yours truly – though on the West Coast feed) using the hashtag #gayzolli and then come back Tuesday to read fresh, steaming Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps. Fire up your subtextdar, ladies. I have a feeling it’s going to get a workout.

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