A “Glee” Plea: Make It Gay!

 
 

When I suggested two weeks ago that the producers of Glee replace Will Schuester with a more decisive character, I had no idea they would do it with that evening’s episode. After initial trepidation, Will grew a pair and asked Emma to marry him, but only after getting most of the cast into bathing suits. This is a promising start.

Now, Glee, here’s another suggestion: Make it gay.

I know the nay-sayers will argue that Glee is already gay enough. After all, it’s replaced Brokeback in the lexicon as America’s favorite semi-derisive reference. But I say Glee isn’t gay enough.

Take the last episode, in which characters dated, shared a suggestive mobile phone picture, got engaged, got married, got dumped and then treated to ice cream and the Lifetime Channel for ovaries, waiting for Beaches to come on. That’s as much action as Glee usually presents in a month of shows – but unfortunately, none of it happened to Glee’s gays.

My husband thinks I’m hopelessly devoted to Glee despite the gaping story holes, ricocheting character arcs and the fact that out of the entire high school class, only Puck seems to have a job. I’ll admit I’ve taken the show too seriously: I remember the songs they performed at the Prom and I’ve downloaded a cool map of McKinley High. I don’t see a problem with all that. I also don’t see a problem with making Glee a lot gayer, and the voice in my head agrees. My voice, by the way, sounds like Colin Firth. In my mind I can sound like whomever I want, so lay off, haters.

So it’s been two weeks since the last candy-colored cake frosting explosion of an episode of Glee and I just want to say I how much I missed Sebastian, Blaine, Kurt, Santana and Brittany. Now, I’m not complaining. Even though the show’s writers clearly don’t know where they are going and they mix up character motivations like they are shuffling a deck of Robert McKee screenwriting seminar notes, in the end, if they can come up with a show as good as Episode 310 every few months, I’ll love them like my Mother’s cooking – and she was a dodgy cook.

Glee needs to get back to the gay storylines, even though it looks to me like the producers are itching to break up Blaine and Kurt, and that’s sad, because I really don’t want to see Kurt with a broken heart, though Chris Colfer will act the hell out of it. I’ll understand the reason, though. Darren Criss, who plays Blaine is so incredibly talented as a dancer/singer/actor, he tends to push other actors off the screen, so the show can benefit with him being paired up with others, like the sexy and dangerous Sebastian Smythe.

Glee could get a whole lot more gay if Kurt was allowed to take a giant step forward because he’s now sexually active. Maybe, instead of chaste eye-blinking with Blaine at Breadstix, Kurt could get back to Scandals and start cruising. I can imagine that musical number: something by the Scissor Sisters. I can’t wait to freeze-frame the DVR to read Kurt’s Grindr profile.

And let’s not forget our dearest pair, Santana and Brittany, the most improved characters of the series and, in Santana’s case, a reasonably consistent story arc. They are so darling together in their matching Cheerios outfits, I’d like to see them consider their next steps and develop an epic romance. Let’s see some kissing in real time, not clips in a montage of other lovers. In future shows, I’d like Santana and Brittany to consider moving in together and getting some pugs, but for now, how about a love duet? I’d go with something by Alicia Keys, but what do you think, readers?

Okay, let’s get reals. Yes, the last episode of Glee was awfully good. The final 15 minutes had me tearing up just like the best of shows. But when the show goes a week without the gays in the mix, there’s something really important missing. After all, at its heart, Glee is really about a bunch of Lima losers who find belonging, hope and redemption in show choir performance. And the way I see it, when you leave out the gay, you leave out the heart.

 

 
 

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