"Work Out" Recaps: Episode 204

Don't mind the camera crew or anything — Jackie and Tiffany retire to Jackie's house. They sit on the couch sipping drinks and making cow eyes at each other. Tiffany fondles Jackie's necklace and tells her to make a wish; the clasp has migrated around to the front of her neck. Does anyone else remember doing this beyond seventh grade?

Jackie silently wishes for the "wish that I always make," which is coy code for sex with straight and formerly straight hotties. They kiss with growing desire. They share a toast and then some more saliva. Jackie has her hand on Tiffany's leg as they French each other. Jackie says softly, "I think we should go to the bed." I feel like I'm going to be writing porn any second.

Thankfully, we cut away to an exterior of the night sky. It's a full moon.

The doctor is in — Jackie goes for her weekly therapy session with Dr. Shirley. Dr. Shirley looks an awful lot like Tiffany. And they both bear a vague resemblance to Mimi. All three women have pleasantly bland faces, SPF 4 tans and straight, brownish hair. What is it about them that's so uniform? I can't put my finger on it. It's just as well, cuz Jackie's finger has probably already been there.

Jackie reports that she's dumped the negativity and chaos (called Mimi) that's been plaguing her life and discovered the joys of "friends with benefits." Dr. Shirley asks if Jackie's finding a new type of person attractive now — one she might not have found attractive last year? Well, she's gone from psycho girls to straight girls. Is that a lateral move?

Jackie informs Dr. Shirley that she's dating two women simultaneously. She doesn't explain she means it literally, as in, at the exact same time.

Jackie: I'm dating two people right now. One is somebody that I dated before.

She conveniently neglects to add, "And the other is someone who works for me!"

Jackie: I'm finding that best friends with benefits is really the way to go.
Dr. Shirley: It's a great thing to have …
Jackie: It is!
Dr. Shirley: As long as both parties know that from the beginning and are in agreement with it.
Jackie: Well, I found that in two people. I don't want to play games with them. And so, for the first time in my life, I'm being very direct.

If you're going to lie to your therapist, you're just wasting your money. Honestly, Jackie.

Jackie 'fesses up about Rebecca. She adds the other trainers are all jealous now, because, obviously, they each live to be her pet. Dear God, what an ego. Jackie thinks the other trainers' jealousies are her biggest problem. I've had affairs with women I worked with. That's not her biggest problem.

The boys — The next day, the boys are sitting around out on Sky Sport's deck, talking about what they can do to reduce global warming. Ha. No. They're talking about what else? Jabecca.

Jesse thinks Jackie's delusional if she thinks she can have a fling with Rebecca and not have it be the talk of the gym. Gregg believes there are rules for this sort of thing. He's not sure what they are, but he's pretty sure they involve not inviting a date on your date.

Andre laughs the bitter laugh of a man with no chance in hell of getting in Tiffany's pants. For a loud-mouthed jack ass, Peeler is uncharacteristically quiet. I'm starting to wonder if he's a closeted PFLAG member.

Jesse marches into Jackie's office and reprimands her because "you can't go out and make out with somebody in a public bathroom anymore, Jackie. It's just weird." Jackie refuses to give up her inappropriate public displays of horniness, because she's feels she's entitled to make out anywhere she damn pleases — and if it's eight feet from a tampon dispenser, so be it.

Jackie's not mad at Jesse, per se. She's just not loving the crappy attitude she's getting from the others.

Jackie: I didn't like the reaction from the men — not you so much.
Jesse: You never like the reaction from the men.
Jackie: No, I don't. I think that it came from a place of, like, hostility, especially Andre.

Meanwhile, Andre, the walking cliché, tells Brian he thinks two women together is "gross," but only if he's not in the middle of the girl sandwich. If he can't play, there will be no gay.

Back in Jackie's office …

Jackie: I'm in a place right now in my life that I just want to have fun. I just want to enjoy myself. I don't want to date one person.
Jesse: But lesbians can't just casually date.
Jackie: Yes, we can. Yes. We can.
Jesse: [laughing] You're going to be the first.

Yes, we can date casually. For a few weeks. After that, we're shopping for curtains and growing our leg hair.

Brian promoted himself to Director of Human Resources. He reminds everyone it's unethical for an employer to be dating an employee. And further, Zen and Gregg dating each other is also wrong, although he's willing to look the other way for them because they don't make him feel all confused inside.

Jackie assures Jesse that she hasn't slept with Rebecca. Yet. Give her time — they had their first kiss 12 hours ago. Check back after lunch, please.

Andre can't be bothered to hide his rancor and calls Jackie a pimp. Would that make Rebecca her ho? Andre's just a john with a Mr. Happy and no money.

Jackie knows a thing or two. She knows the fish in her pond are always going to be hotter fish than the fish in Andre's pond. I wish I knew what she was talking about.

She knows Andre's wigged out for the most pedestrian reason: He's a straight guy who can't handle a lesbian being in control. Now she's talking. If Jackie were "Jack," a male gym owner having a fling with a female trainer, Andre would be high-fiving the guy and asking for details about her rack.

Get back to work — Somehow, the staff finds time to actually train clients in between gossip sessions. Brian's client, Floyd, does a bunch of exercises because his wife told him to. If I recall, Floyd is an actor. He must get cast as a homeless man a lot. He's a mess. He desperately needs a shave and a haircut. And possibly some dental veneers.

Doug resumes training his ex, Cheo, to prepare him for a kidney transplant. Cheo has a bandage on his neck where they removed his thyroid. He also has a bandage on his heart, where Doug left a different kind of hole. Cheo wants his Dougie back. They stretch each other's hamstrings. Is this gay male bodybuilder foreplay?

They talk about Doug's upcoming 44th birthday party. Cheo tells us that both of Doug's parents died before they were 43. Jeez. So, every holiday and birthday has special significance for both of them. It's too ominous to think about right now, so let's move on.

Rebecca finally shows up for work and makes a beeline for Drama Central: Jackie's office. She casually asks how the rest of Jackie's night with "big Tiff" went?

Rebecca: You wouldn't tell me anyway. Do you tell me? I feel like you omit details.
Jackie: I omit details; I don't tell you everything. I tell you the basics.
Rebecca: You don't tell me the good … the juice.
Jackie: No, I don't tell you the juice.
Rebecca: The juice is where it's at.
Jackie: Do you want to hear the juice?
Rebecca: I like the juice.
Jackie: Do you now? Well … that's exactly what happened.

Jackie is a pro. Even when she's confessing about sleeping with another woman, she makes it flirty. Rebecca's smiling and swears she's not jealous about "oh, you want her over me," but that is not humanly possible in women. Not. Humanly. Possible.