"Work Out" Recaps: Episode 203

Play date with a friend — Jackie takes Dr. Shirley's advice and calls her friend Tiffany, a petite woman with brown hair who Jackie met two years ago when she and Mimi were on one of their many "breaks." The friendship became romantic. Jackie states humbly that she "made such an impact" on Tiffany because she was the only woman she ever dated. Jackie Warner, Proud Toaster Oven Owner.

Back when they first hooked up, Jackie reports, Tiffany had an issue about what we can only guess was her burgeoning gayness. Now that's it's been two years and Jackie's single, Tiffany is back and ready to play. I don't think this is what the doctor ordered. When dealing with lesbians, she really should be more specific when advising patients to spend time with their friends.

Jackie and Tiffany go to — of all places — the batting cages. And for the first time, we see that Jackie Warner actually sucks at something. Swing after swing, Jackie misses the ball by a mile and a day. She couldn't hit a ball if it were attached to Brian Peeler.

Jackie: Damn it!
Tiffany: Don't get frustrated. Just breathe.
Jackie: Phew.
Tiffany: You look sexy.
Jackie: Well, I'm not feeling sexy. I'm feeling irritated. I hate sucking at things.
Tiffany: Stick your butt out.
Jackie: I got my ass out!

The "stick your butt out" part has nothing to do with batting stance. That was probably Tiffany being dirty.

Tiffany turns out to be a pro. She nails every pitch. I'm starting to think this afternoon was her idea. Jackie looks like she's going to spit.

Steamed carrots taste just like lasagna — Jackie and Jesse bring the Skylab group to a cooking class to learn how to prepare the air they'll be eating for the next few weeks. Jackie's breakfast shake consists of frozen berries, weird powders, liquid amoebas, flax seed, toadstools and magic beans. It may look gross, but it does taste like poopy. There are only so many ways to cook white-meat chicken. Tess has her own method, which consists of drowning her chicken breast in oil. Yum.

What did we learn in this scene? Nothing.

Slumber party! — Jackie continues following Dr. Shirley's advice and throws a slumber party for some "good, clean fun." Yeah, right. In walks Rebecca, wearing PJ bottoms and carrying her pillow. Erika comes in dragging a big box behind her. She's brought her comforter from home. This girl didn't have many friends as a kid, did she?

Feeling one-upped by some of Jackie's other hot friends, Rebecca changes from her flannel jammies into a sheer nightgown that she claims belonged to her grandmother. Apparently, Rebecca's grandmother was a prostitute.

Jackie has a surprise for everyone. She's invited a sex-toy rep to show her wares. Nice. I wait for Rebecca to announce she already owns everything on the table except the kiwi-flavored dental dam, but sadly, she doesn't.

Actually, Jackie tells the toy lady that the room is almost 50 percent lesbian. She counts herself, her two friends and Rebecca. Zen and Erika look uncomfortable. Rebecca clarifies that she's "on the fence." Erika twitters nervously that she doesn't know what's going on with Jackie and Rebecca and doesn't get it.

(Incidentally, Jackie's two friends are Carole Antouri and Nikki Weiss, who were on the Oprah episode dealing with lesbians coming out of a straight marriage. More evidence that all lesbians know each other!)

Zen gets pressured into modeling some fugly lingerie. Jackie is in full-on horndog mode and drools Zen a compliment about her nice ass. And just when I think it can't get any more inappropriate, Jackie and Rebecca disappear behind a closed door to apply some kind of arousal oil called "Sensual Explosion" to their hoo-has. From behind the door, we can hear Jackie and Rebecca consulting each other.

Rebecca: I don't feel anything, do you?
Jackie: No …
Rebecca: Are we supposed to rub it more, maybe?
Jackie: All right.
Rebecca: Mine's pretty rubbed.

Dear God, are the children asleep?

Jackie and Rebecca emerge from the powder room, walking like they have yeast infections. Toy lady assures them the oil works if they "wiggle." Zen assures Rebecca she can't help her with that.