"Work Out" Recaps: Episode 203

More therapy for Jackie — Jackie's back at counselor Dr. Shirley Impellizzeri's office. The last time we were here, we witnessed the end of the Jackie-and-Mimi era. The doctor asks Jackie if she's talked to … and she trails off, never saying Mimi's name. Does she not remember her name? Is she afraid to say her name? Does saying the name "Mimi" aloud bring forth a plague of locusts?

The doctor can't hide her surprise when Jackie says no, she has not heard from you-know-who. Jackie shrugs and says she's moved on and doesn't miss anything about that relationship.

Dr. Shirley: What are some of the things that you would look for in another relationship?
Jackie: Well, when I actually start thinking about another relationship, I'm looking forward to being in that place because I think I'm going to pick a person that's amazing.
Dr. Shirley: Uh huh. Why do you think that?
Jackie: Because I'm ready for a person that's amazing. I'm very conscious of what I want in another human being now, and what I really don't want.

Jackie has a woman who's willing to touch her nasty feet and give her nasty dogs a bath, all while never putting her champagne glass down. That's pretty damn amazing.

Dr. Shirley asks Jackie if she's done any socializing, and Jackie looks her dead in the eye and lies, "No." Clue number one she knows she's up to no good. Heh. The doc recommends that Jackie call up her posse and spend some quality time with the girls.

Doug's big challenge — Doug says his biggest challenge is Skylab rat Laurie, who weighs about 275 pounds. He tells her it's going to be tough, but she's up for it.

Laurie: I remember my dad telling me that I needed to lose weight because if I didn't, no man was going to want to marry a fat girl. I must have been 6 years old.

That's child abuse. And you know what? I bet her dad is tipping the scales at over 300 pounds. I love a double standard. If I see one more sitcom with a fat, stupid slob married to a smart, pretty, thin woman, I'm going to find Kevin James and kick him in the 'nads.

Doug gives Laurie a pep talk and tells her he wants to be her best friend. Fat straight girls and gay men — when does that not work?

Two lesbians and a Rabbi walk into a bar — Zen is not just a trainer. No, ma'am. She's also a stand-up comedian. Zen announces to the staff she has a show at the Laugh Factory, a comedy club in L.A. She has no idea what she's going to say, but they're all invited.

Amateur comedians: the verbal version of karaoke. But rarely as funny.

But first — Zen is not the only one with multiple skill sets. Jackie wants Jesse, who is also a chef, to work with the Skylab rats on their diet. Learning portion control, proper preparation, the virtues of fresh fruits and veggies — it's all part of the Skylab experience. But Jackie goes too far when she tells Jesse she wants the group to eschew sugar during the week. I know from the one anatomy and physiology class I took (by accident) in college that starch turns to sugar the minute it hits your saliva. This diet is going to suck ass.

Jesse tells the Sugar Domme that he's all about being organic. Sugar Domme wants the groups to stay at 1,300 calories per day. Whew. There's going to be a lot of clients fainting all over Sky Sport next week.