The L Word recap: L'Chaim (season 2, episode 12)
(Original airdate: 8 May 2005)

THIS WEEK'S L WORD VOCABULARY:

• Goddammit: A word for everyone.
• Hello: A steady recognition of a steady, sure love.
• The pursuit of happiness: Human nature, and human pain.
• Rivers: They run deep.

THIS WEEK'S GUEST-BIANS: Lauren Lee Smith continues to taunt me; Ossie Davis takes his leave, and we bid him a fond farewell.

The recapper's mailbag (for the second and probably the last time) — A whole lotta love this week. Thank you, you wonderful fabulous delicious people. If I were Jenny, I'd print out all the lovely e-mails and put them on my wall — except for me it would be a wall o' love instead of a wall o' rejection. Wait... wall... wall o' love... you're thinking of Bette, aren't you? Admit it.

Three other mailbag highlights: (1) "Dominique" rocked my (in)box with that whip of hers. Heh. (2) I got a few more soup chef "corrections." Stop it stop it stop it!! Go watch the soup chef episode (1.02, "Let's Do It") and let me slurp my fucking soup in peace. (3) Some of you have been informing me that ezgirl, who's responsible for the incessant theme song variations and the jarring poltergeist noises, is Elizabeth Ziff of Betty. Yeah, I know — I called her "the Betty who wields the poltergeist" in the recap of the lez boat episode. I haven't mentioned her by name because, well, it seems sort of dangerous, like saying Voldemort. Or L-Wordemort, I guess. And now that I have said all of her names in one paragraph, I'll probably be plagued by bongo-thumping breathing screaming crying moaning lesbian poltergeists in the middle of the night. You informative helpful types have cursed me!! Anyway, for those of you who didn't know and want to know more (why??), go read this, courtesy of Kathy Belge at Lesbian Life.

Breathing — The damn poltergeist is breathing down my neck as Jenny gets out of her little Mazda. I used to drive something a lot like that, but I bet I drove it a lot more expertly. She's going to some sort of dodgy bar called the Howling Coyote, in "Los Angeles - Present Day," but dammit if the light doesn't look exceptionally Canadian. Wait, the Howling Coyote? Is she going to jump up on the bar with Piper Perabo? And what the hell are those shoes she's wearing? Ugh.

The poltergeist sounds like it's about to pass out. Simmah down now and step outside for some oxygen, you fool!

Never mind: there's Dominique. Er, that's what I call her. You know, the dominatrix from the Seven Stations of the Cross, at Pride. Last week. It seems eons ago, I know — that's because we've all been slightly brain-damaged by the inanity. Stay with me a little longer: it's almost over.

Dominique (still hot, thank you) has apparently roped Jenny into this:

Dominique: "Hey Victor. She's here."
Victor: "Yeah? So?" [shrugs]
Dominique: "Trust me: she's a very sick girl."

Jenny is standing in front of a poster that says "Topless Boxers," and that's why I thought that would be her shtick this week. Remember this when I turn out to be wrong.

Jenny smiles a bit... well, a bit demonically, in response to the "sick girl" comment. Back off, Jenny: Dominique is mine.

The theme song — Lately I've been playing Taiko Drum Master on my Playstation 2. I think maybe I could get 100% if the theme song were part of that game. And that is the only good thing I will ever say about the theme song.

But it's not the only thing in general: How many of you got that e-mail from sho.com with the subject line "New Original Music" and thought "FINALLY! They've replaced the fucking theme song!"? No? That was just me? Sigh. Anyway, the e-mail was actually advertising the "score" for season 2, which is brought to us by L-Wordemort. But I think Jane Siberry might get some small bit of cash from the sales of the CD, so I'm telling you to buy it. Ouch: I almost gritted my teeth into gravel when I typed that.

Oh, right, mailbag highlights I forgot: some of you thought I was serious last week when I said that I now love the theme song and have been singing it to my plants. Do I need to start putting sarcasm tags around this stuff? Oh, and those of you who "informed" me of the similarity to "My Favorite Things": go read 2.01 (which includes a somewhat subtle reference) and 2.02 (which makes a decidedly unsubtle statement). And you wonder why I'm so repetitive?

Now, wouldn't it be great if I would shut up and recap the fucking show already? Yeah.

More herstory — Jenny is still perfecting her dark arts, and it's getting very grim. She's singing in Hebrew and looking at drawings of hateful crowds shouting at shackled people. One of the drawings says "Skokie, Illinois, 1989" — if this were a video game, I'd click on that and it would reveal a clue. And I'd be having so much more fun.

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