The L Word recap: Loud and Proud (season 2, episode 11)
(Original airdate: 1 May 2005)

THIS WEEK'S L WORD VOCABULARY:

• Pride: They say it goeth before a fall. Apparently it also goeth with spankings and bad terrycloth shorts.
• Pandora's Box: Ilene Chaiken stores paper clips in it.
• Torching: A dangerous hobby.
• Happiness: Sometimes it comes at a price.

THIS WEEK'S GUEST-BIANS: Ossie Davis. 'Nuff said.

It's time for a new feature! Introducing The Recapper's Mailbag, through which I'll share some of the more "charming" comments from my readers. This week, I learned that my failure to recognize BETTY's musical talent represents the "self-loathing, in-fighting, and jealousy" that's ruining the women's movement. Also, I'm inaccurate and repetitive. And I'm repetitive. Finally, I shouldn't spend so much time on plot details and dialogue, or I should spend all of my time on plot details and dialogue and not make any other remarks whatsoever. Gotcha.

Send in your comments: you too could be immortalized, er, ephemerized, on the Web!

Sin city — Oooh. We're in a dungeon of some sort. A woman — let's call her Subrina — is on a St. Andrew's cross, whimpering, and another woman — let's call her Dominique — is saying "beg me." The whip kisses Subrina's abs a few times, and then Dominique removes Subrina's bit gag just long enough for a proper kiss. She also teases Subrina a bit with the handle of the whip. And then Subrina does beg to be fucked, but that's not how things work in this world:

Dominique: "I'm gonna give you a minute to think about how badly you want me to fuck you."

Dominique (who's quite a hottie, if you ask me) steps out into the fresh air, looking thoroughly pleased with herself. There's a Pride 2005 sign on the door she closes behind her. Clearly I've been going to the wrong Pride celebrations all these years, or else somebody forgot to give me directions to the dungeon.

The theme song — I love it. I've been singing it to my plants and they're thriving. BETTY will single-handedly bring about world peace, I'm sure of it.

The hospital — Tina is there with a bouquet of flowers as big as her belly. She looks for Bette, who's arguing with the doctor. It seems Melvin is refusing treatment, and Bette thinks the doctor should refuse to respect that wish. Sigh. You don't really think that, do you Bette? I know, I know, it's just hard.

Doctor: "I think he's very aware that it would be an uphill battle with little hope of recovery. I'm sorry."

And there's Tina. Good. If you don't help Bette get through this, Tina, I'm going to stop recapping you. I'll shun you, my pretty, and your giant belly, too.

Bette explains that Melvin has advanced prostate cancer, and she and Tina cry together and hug. Tina asks where Kit is; Bette says she's there, but has to leave to get The Planet ready for Pride. Bette also says that Kit thinks Melvin's right to refuse treatment.

Tina: "Well, maybe she's just trying to support his decision."
Bette: "That's it — he just — he cannot make a decision right now. I mean, you should see him — he's not himself. He's so sick."

Tina takes Bette's hand and walks her to Melvin's room. Can we please get these two back together already?

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