"The L Word" Recaps: Episode 5.2 "Look Out, Here They Come!"

THIS WEEK'S L WORD VOCABULARY:

Bridesmaid: More like bedmate, when Shane's around.
Film 101: From All About Eve to The Graduate, this episode is rife with references.
Telling: What Alice does, way too recklessly.

THIS WEEK'S GUEST-BIANS: Lucia Rijker flexes; Wallace Shawn waltzes; Jane Lynch plotzes.

Eloquence in small spaces — Do you ever read the TV listings in the newspaper, with those hyperefficient one- or two-sentence descriptions of movies? Here are a few examples from Sunday's New York Times:

Stick It: "Rebellious teenager attends gymnastics academy. Not only fun, but downright dizzying."
Ghost Rider: "Motorcycle stuntman becomes flame-shooting agent of vengeance. Only thing Cage should be firing is his manager."
High Art: "Burned-out lesbian photographer. Excellent Sheedy, pretentious story."

Those terse masterpieces have always amazed me. But this one takes the cake — here's how the interactive guide on my DVR summed up this episode of The L Word: "Affection causes difficulties." Again, I am superfluous.

Gonzo for Lez Girls — Tina and Jenny are meeting with Tina's boss, Aaron. He wants more sex. Um, not in general — though that's probably true too. But he's talking about the rewrite of Lez Girls.

Aaron: You're the ones who told me lesbians are always sleeping with their friends.

That takes me back to Season 1, when Bette asked Alice, "Why is it so important for you to believe that everyone is sleeping with everyone else?" I think we all know why it's important for this guy. He makes a loathsome scissoring gesture when he asks for more sex in the screenplay. And then he makes specific requests. First, "Bev and this makeup artist should totally hook up."

And that's what we get to see: Bev and Shaun making out.

Urrrgh. My eyes my eyes my eyes my eyes my eyes my eyes! I was not prepared for that. How could I ever be prepared for that?! Shane? And Bette? And Bette? And Shane? Ahgahgahgahgah!

Tina and Jenny agree with me; they say that would never happen. But Aaron doesn't care about real life. He lives in Hollywood.

Tina: You seem to be forgetting that Bev and Nina are together.
Aaron: She cheats with the plumber!

Ouch.

While their creators talk, Bev and Shaun wait like surly, dormant marionettes in need of a John Malkovich or a Maria von Trapp.

They spring back to life when the story lines start to spin again. (I half expect somebody to say, "Picture it: Sicily, 1942.")

Jenny: I like the idea of Bev, the serial cheater.
Tina: It undermines the significance of her affair with the plumber.

And then Aaron suggests that Nina and Shaun take the stage instead:

That one made me giggle, mostly because Laurel Holloman wriggled around with such abandon. Considering this and her perfect expressions in the reimagined party scene last time, I think we can conclude that Laurel has a profound appreciation for camp. Also, now that I've gotten over the shock of Bev and Shaun together, I can appreciate the music, which is very secret-agent-chillout-Angela-Robinson-ish.

Jenny: No! No. Nobody ever wants to see Nina having sex. No one will ever go to the film!

Note to self: Don't ever cross Jenny. The grudge will never die. (But it will keep you laughing while it lives.)

Tina: It's not about what people wanna see. It's about the fact that Nina is too loyal to cheat. It goes against her nature.

Well, whatever you might think of this meta stuff, it certainly reveals what these characters think of themselves. I mean, what the writers think these characters think of themselves. Or what the writers think of themselves? Or what they think we think they think of themselves? Help me, Mama Chaiken: I need a decoder ring!