THIS WEEK'S L WORD VOCABULARY:

• Opening title sequence: What the show doesn't have, and why the hell doesn't it? That lame electronic-y spatter of L words does not count.
• MOCA and LACMA: Soon to be at a Starbucks near you. Or the Museum of Contemporary Art and the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, which are apparently competitors of the CAC, the (fictional) California Art Center, where Bette works.
• Sous chef: The one who wants Dana to kiss it and make it better.
• Step off, bitch: Yeah, you heard me.
• Has-bian: An erstwhile lesbian who hasn't been in a while.
• Dismantle: What Marina does. To everyone.
• Homage: Is that the right word for two possible references to two lesbian films? Or is that better called reaching, on the recapper's part?

The Prelude — We start with some gorgeous sensual shots that remind me of the fence scene in Gia, and we immediately realize that this week's director is not Rose Troche. No time to celebrate, though -- who is that naked woman? She doesn't look like anyone on the show, unless of course one of them looked like that in 1986, which was the date on the screen at the beginning of this montage. But no, none of the show's regulars looked like that in 1986: they probably weren't much more than a gangly 13 then. Well, except for Kit, but I will never call her a "regular" anything. That was a compliment.

The Lame Attempt At Opening Titles — See above.

Gabby's bed — Alice -- make that adorable, sleepy Alice -- offers to make Gabby coffee because they've slept too long. Gabby is not nice, but Alice is sleepy and postcoital, so of course she does not notice. Wake up, Alice: that's a predator in your bed, and not even an interesting one.

The counterpoint — Jenny is less than thrilled to be waking up with Tim's arm flopped across her. I am less than thrilled by her pajama bottoms.

The Planet — Marina's speaking Italian. Is she speaking it well? Who cares -- she could be rambling about the Super Bowl and it would still sound great. Damn it: just when it's getting good, Jenny shows up.

The CAC — Bette is presenting some slides of "Provocation," an art show she's trying to bring to the CAC. Is this suddenly Queer As Folk? No? Then what's with all the penises and bondage? Oh, that's right: we have to make sure nobody thinks that lesbians hate men. Fine, but can we hate that painting?

Speaking of Queer As Folk, Bette is kinda like a cross between Melanie and Brian. And right now she's getting screwed like one of Brian's conquests: her boss has already arranged for a different exhibit, lamely titled "Impressions in Winter," and expects her to smile and nod and do the obvious like a good little girl -- one who does not hate men. Fine, but can she hate being dissed?

Bette talks about where the "Provocation" exhibit is headed, and mentions the Walker. Hey, that's where I live! Sure, it's been -25 here, but at least we have provocative, penis-friendly art.

The Planet — Jenny is mean to Marina's friends, but Marina escorts her to her office anyway. Alice says "whatever." Bwah!

Jenny mumbles about how important Tim is to her, and Marina looks at her like she's stupid -- which of course she is, because LOOK at Marina's face! And um, the rest of her! Ok, Jenny, you don't know what you want: we get that, and so does Marina, so why don't you? Instead you stare while Marina is gracious and wishes you well. Like Alice said -- "whatever."

Alice tells Shane about Gabby (by dorkily singing "Hey Gabby" to the tune of "Hey Mickey"). Shane is concerned, and I agree with her, but isn't it kind of weird for the neighborhood ho to warn someone about an unfaithful girlfriend?