Our heroines are lying in bed while Spencer lovingly plays with Ashley’s hair. It’s the morning after. You know, after their dramatic reconciliation!

Ash looks like something that crawled out of a Behind the Music cautionary tale, all smeared eyeliner and perfectly tousled locks. She can’t believe Spencer stayed to take care of her all night. Spencer teases, “Was there an option?” Ash says, “Yeah, do what most people do when they’re around me. Leave.”

Note to Ash: The abandonment card is on the verge of being overplayed. It may have helped get her into your bed, but you’ll need a new angle to keep her there!

Then Ash’s mom appears in the doorway to, you know, screw everything up. “Really Ashley, I tolerate your playmates but do they really have to be here in the morning?”

Spencer scrambles to regain her innocent good girl composure (for possibly the last time ever) and gets out of the bed, “Oh I’m sorry I just fell asleep. ”

Mom continues that she can’t really leave Ash alone if she continues to “bring home this kind of…’friend.'” Spencer protests, “I just came to take care of her. ” And Mom zings back, “And I’m sure you did that very well.” Then she launches into a laundry list of all the other little tramps who have “taken care” of Ashley--Paige who stole her credit cards, Elizabeth who passed out eating her Valium, and “the one with the piercings--she just moved in and we had to have the help get rid of her.”  

Mom exits in a swirl of Chanel and leaves our heroines in a brief uncomfortable silence.

If you’re like me, right about now you begin doing the silent countdown of the moments it will take Spencer to confront Ashley about the multitude of her “friends.” I got to five.

“Did you really sleep with all those girls?” Ashley forgets that she’s trying to woo Spencer, not pick up girls with her, and admits that those were just the ones her mom found out about. But when Spence gives her the “I am so suing you for palimony” look, Ash quickly tries to cover the slip with, “None of them meant anything.” (Did she learn that line from her rock star father?) Spencer asks archly, “And that makes it better?”

After that, what else could put the final scorch on the remnants of Spencer’s rosy romantic haze than going home to Mother Superior? Especially after spending the night out and unaccounted for. And it’s bad. Mom knows that she spent the night with “That Girl” which caused Spencer to—gasp--miss church.

Maybe her mom is right that a phone call would have been nice, but if Spencer had called would she have even been allowed to spend the night with That Girl? Doubt it.

Spencer is working herself up to a (justified) fit and yells at her mom, “Her name is Ashley! Why won’t you ever say her name?” “You want me to say her name? I’ll say her name: You’re not allowed to see Ashley anymore…She is a bad influence. I’m telling you, you are forbidden to see Ashley.” Repress! Yeah, that always works.

Spencer is crying now and screams, “How are you going to stop me? You’re never home—“ and Mother Superior slaps her across the face. That will teach her to speak the truth!