"Work Out" Recaps: Episode 3.2 "SkyLab 2.0"

Next, it's off to the hydrostatic body fat weigh in. Everyone dons bathing suits and goes in the dunk tank to see who can displace the most water and still retain a shred of dignity.

This year, SkyLab has some added features. Dr. Robert Huizenga, a weight-loss expert, has been brought in to bring some gravitas to the show. He's a doctor, not a miracle worker! Using highly sophisticated equipment, he takes what look like sonograms of everyone. Aw. Congratulations. It's cellulite.

More evaluations — The doctor tells Jackie that SkyLabber Tyra is going to be a tough case. She not only has layers of fat, she has a lot of visceral fat that surrounds her organs and is "marbled" throughout her intestines. I may never eat steak again.

Tyra tells Jackie why she's gained so much weight.

Tyra: Most of the weight I've gained was after Hurricane Katrina. The stress of just trying to get your life back together, and still trying.
Jackie: So, did you live right there?
Tyra: Yeah. My husband is still back there, working on our home. Slowly.
Jackie: So the stress, sort of, triggered an eating pattern with you?
Tyra: Yeah.

Hurricane Katrina made her fat. What department of FEMA handles that, exactly? Jackie's strategy for Tyra is to make her take care of herself. Jackie, you're doing a helluva a job.

SkyLab client Damon looks at his scale results and proclaims himself a "linebacker," which is the manly, more flattering way of saying, "I'm fat!"

Women should have the same naming conventions. Instead of calling women "fat," they should be called "opera singers."

Jackie says Damon's sense of humor has evolved into fat jokes about himself.

Damon: So, when I got chubby, all of a sudden my friends would be like, "Oh, dude, I got this girl for you," and I'd be like, "Really, oh great. Hook me up," and she'd be like this chubby girl, and I'd be like, "Dude, my eyes didn't get fat!"

I thought I knew the definition of self-deprecation, but I guess I don't.

Damon is, of course, within his inalienable rights to expect to date nice-looking, thin women, no matter how fat he gets. The Flintstone-Kramdon Law, perhaps you've heard of it?