"America's Next Top Model" Cycle 11 Recaps: Episode 11.5 “Fierce Eyes”

This week's episode begins with Elina talking about being called first at the last week's panel: "I can't even take it in right now."

Not to be too juvenile here, but when America’s Next Top Model starts off with a “That’s what she said!” joke, you know the night is gonna be good.

Are those lima or string? — Analeigh is relaying her anxiety to Marjorie and Hannah regarding her spot in the bottom two last week. She knows she’s got to step up her game, but she’s understandably nervous about being sent home. Hannah pounces, basically calling them a couple of Debbie Downers who love to throw themselves pity parties: “You guys are always wallowing!” Marjorie jumps to Analeigh’s defense, telling Hannah to quit being so insensitive, that Analeigh has “every right to be sad.” What a pal, that Marjorie!

This is all lost on Hannah, of course, who takes her confessional as an opportunity to dole out the strangest advice I’ve ever heard. When you’re feeling down, apparently you should just “pick up your beans and you keep on rollin’.” I get the message, but … beans? Is Hannah actually 65 years old? And an Alaskan farmer? Hmm … this must be a small-town thing.

These shoes are made for bowling — It’s time for the runway walk tutorial and as can be expected, the girls and Miss J head to … a bowling alley. The girls put on high-heel bowling shoes (Hannah: “I didn’t even know they made stuff like that!”) and do their best to strut down the wax-covered lanes. I will be the first to admit I attempted the very same thing (OK, I was wearing regular ol’ bowling shoes) after a positively wild night wherein I drank beer and, for the first time, bowled more than 100.

The point here is not my rather pathetic bowling skills, but that I only got about half a foot down the lane before my feet came out from under me and I fell unceremoniously on my rear; any small amount of cool I’d managed to accumulate in my life up to that point was whisked away in a wax-scented cloud that mysteriously sounded like the laughter of drunken bowlers.

Wait, that’s not the point either! The point is (I swear this time for reals), most of the models did fairly well during what was surely a difficult training session. Please note, I said most. Samantha’s bow legs prove to be a bit of a problem as she clomps down the alley, but she vows to make ’em work regardless: “I’m gonna rock my bow legs!” Yes, Samantha, I’m sure you will. Whatever you do, please promise me you won’t ever stop making the awesome faces you pull in every confessional.

Meanwhile, Hannah’s walk bears a strong resemblance to Mick Jagger’s famous on-stage chicken strut. Later, at home, she practices on the mini runway but doesn’t show much improvement. Uh oh … I think it might be time for someone to start picking up her beans.

Gossip girls — Lauren Brie and Clark with No E engage in a little household gossip, and Clark once again takes the opportunity to slag on Isis: her hands and waist aren’t feminine enough, and Clark thinks it’s high time Isis hits the road. Mind you, this was all said in a whisper, so I don’t think we’re supposed to know about it!

Being talked about is nothing new for ANTM’s first transgender contestant, though, and Isis proves fearless when talking to Joslyn and McKey … err, I think she proves fearless, anyway. “When I’m on that runway, what are you gonna say? You can’t tell me nuthin’.” Nothing, Isis? I can’t even warn you of, say, impending danger at the end of the catwalk, like, “Look out for that bear that’s shooting lasers at you!”? I’m just saying, it’s good to keep your ears open.

In related news, a laser-shooting bear would be pretty cool.

The most important thing to note about the exchange between Isis, McKey and Joslyn (yes, more important than Isis’s determination and McKey’s never-ending support) is that it all takes place in the bathroom, where we can see that the girls have taken down the creepy picture of Bald Tyra last seen in Episode Two, tucking it away behind piles of makeup. I high-fived all of them in my head for their collective good sense.