Welcome to AfterEllen.com's Top Chef: Chicago recaps! Did everyone remember to bring a fork? Better yet, did you bring your sharpened knives?

In a first for the hit Bravo reality series, three lesbian chefs (or, as Dara so cleverly coined, chefbians) are competing for the coveted title: New Yorker Lisa Fernandes and San Franciscans Jennifer Biesty and Zoi Antonitsas. Since whenever there are three lesbians in a room, two of them are dating/have dated/are thinking about dating, chefbians Jennifer and Zoi are also the show's first couple.

But before I jump from the frying pan of introductions into the fire of recapping, a little disclaimer from your humble maître d': I am no chef, and I'm not even really a foodie. I do, however, love food and, for that matter, lesbians. Please pardon me if I break a few eggs or burn the toast, so to speak, along the way. With that, let's dig in.

THIS WEEK'S KITCHEN ESSENTIALS:

Quickfire: Uh, anyone have the number for Domino's?
Elimination: Putting the ick in classics.
Padmaism: "I found it incredibly salty."

Chicago deep dish — Another season, another intro by the devilishly delectable Padma Lakshmi. I don't care how hard she is schilling for the Glad family of products; I'll buy anything she's selling. Also, how hard is she rocking that scar? Next, a montage of all 16 cheftestants. Oh, who are we kidding, here are the three you care about:

In a gayer-than-gay-off, I think Jennifer wins for the tie and the lady-hawk.