"South of Nowhere" Recap: Episode 3.14 “Past, Present and Future”

Sit and Spin — Chelsea and Glen are sitting in grim silence in Chelsea’s studio, clearly with both of their wheels spinning.  Isn’t it too early for couples’ counseling?

Chelsea asks Glen what it is that he expects her to say, and he suggests, “I love you too.”  Oh Glen. No Glen, not this soon. Chelsea admits that she loves him, because he’s been like a brother to her.  That’s the kiss of death, though I do know of a jackass who once responded to an “I love you” with “Don’t hurt yourself!” So I guess it could be worse.

Chelsea’s also angry that Glen “outed” them as an item in front of the whole entire family and their other friends.  Glen thinks she’s in love with Sean, but Chelsea denies it.  When there’s a knock at the door, Glen gets all ruffled thinking it’s his rival.  But alas, it’s Spencer and her video camera.  Spencer tries to convince them that their tragic conversation is documentary-worthy, but then realizes very quickly that she is not helping. Exit Glen.

Videodrome — Back at Ashley’s house, Spencer has that pesky camera shoved right up in her pretty girlfriend’s face.  Ashley warns Spencer that she’ll pay a heavy price if she doesn’t stop.

Ashley: Fine, keep it on. I just won’t do you any late night favors anymore.
Spencer: You wouldn’t. (pause) Fine, but it’ll be your loss too.

Calm down. We all know these two aren’t talking about sex.  That’s something the straight kids do.  They’re probably talking about this.

Ashley quickly relents, admitting that life in front of the cameras hasn’t been much fun of late.  Spencer starts to spout off about her creative juices, setting Ashley off on a rant about how creativity feeds on depression and how all artists are miserable wretches.

She’s actually right about that, so no further comment needed.

Spencer notices a flyer on Ashley’s table, and it’s for an open mic night at Ego.  Jeez, open mics, dancing, brunch — is everything at Ego? I think I’ve even got some coupons for their produce around here somewhere. The N is clearly spending their entire location-finding budget on that sassy pink strip in Ashley’s hair.

Spencer is proud of her for testing the performance waters again, even if it is at some crappy nightclub/roller rink/LensCrafters™ like Ego. (You can re-establish your singing career and get new contact lenses in just about an hour!)

Spencer prods Ashley to sign up for the open mic night and Ashley admits that it would be nice to have the opportunity to sing her own songs, as a solo artist. 

Continuing to rifle through Ashley’s things, she finds the announcement of her own high school graduation sent out by Paula.  For some reason, she finds it “embarrassing” (unlike her brother Glen, who would have found his own graduation notice “miraculous”).

Ashley uses the moment as an opportunity to quiz Spencer about where she’s going to college, and Spencer claims to still be undecided. But she’s decidedly clueless about the fact that her answer might be important to Ashley.  Spencer’s lack of interest in the topic turns Ashley’s mood sour (again) and she tells Spencer to go play with “camera whore” Kyla.

Down and out — Across town, Kyla has done what ever young starlet-in-training does after barely surviving a public scandal: she gives back.  This week, she’s giving to the homeless, and she’s giving them cans of cow tongue. Aiden is there to assist with the heavy lifting, and to complain about his life.

He tells Kyla that he feels “stuck” at community college after being rejected by every four-year university in the free world.  Indignant, Kyla gestures to the huddle masses awaiting their fair share of tongue and reminds him that he could have it much worse. For example, what if he had no muscle tone?