"South of Nowhere" Recap: Episode 3.10 “Spencer’s 18th Birthday”

Oh happy day — Today is a very special day. All of you South of Nowhere fans and Spencer lovers over the age of 21 can breathe a collective sigh of relief. You don’t have to feel like lezzie perverts anymore because Spencer Carlin is turning 18! Yay!

It seems like only yesterday when Spencer was trying out for the cheerbitch squad, cutting class at the beach, getting smacked around by her mom. But she’s 18 now, and this means she can… well, vote. Spencer’s still technically a high school student, so her options are somewhat limited.

But the good news is that the age of consent in California is 18, so anything that happens between her and Ashley (or her and your imagination) is no longer a felony. Yay!

Speaking of Ashley, she’s somehow convinced Paula to let her surprise Spencer with breakfast in bed.

She trots in wearing not much more than some hoochie boots and a smile, carrying a tray of food that probably weighs more than she does.

Spencer: Am I dreaming or did you make me breakfast in bed?
Ashley: Technically, your dad made the waffles. But my new BFF, your mom, let me deliver. Because I brought you these!

Ashley does her best Vanna White impression and presents Spencer with a big vase of pink roses.

She tells Spencer that there are 18 roses because she’s turning 18 (clever girl!), but the flowers are only the first of many gifts. It must be nice to have a trust-fund girlfriend.

If I had one and she wanted to buy me anything my heart desired, I don’t think I’d even know where to begin!

Spencer protests all the material adulation sure to be in store for her, but Ashley tells her she wants to shower her with gifts so that Spencer knows that she loves her. Spencer looks pleasantly surprised to hear the words and eagerly says it right back to her little rocker. They share an annoyingly tame and brief kiss, which Ashley interrupts to quiz Spencer about all the cool things she can do now that she’s 18.

I think a better move would have been to presume the answer would be “you” and just keep kissing her instead, but whatever.

Spencer immediately mentions voting and Ashley (who probably isn’t even registered!) looks incredulous, as if Spencer said she planned to adopt an injured puppy or donate blood, or something equally tame and unselfish.

Ashley thinks voting is “boring.” I think she should turn on her TV and check out those No on Prop 8 PSA’s. You can’t properly run away with your teen bride and foolishly say “screw it” to the prenup without the legal right to marry, Ashley!

Bored silly, Ashley quickly changes the topic to what a bad girlfriend she is, as she won’t be in town to celebrate. Spencer assures her, “Well, flying to New York to be on live national television from the living room is a pretty good excuse.”

Before Ashley can start talking about that particular gig, Paula rushes into Spencer’s room waving a voter registration form like it’s a winning lotto ticket. Ashley is shocked all over again. These voting citizens are nuts!