"Grey's Anatomy" Recap: 5.3 "Here Comes the Flood"

Hospital rules — The Chief gathers the staff in the hospital's auditorium for his one-night-only performance of Man of La Mancha, because if anyone at the hospital is Don Quixote, it's this guy. And George makes a nice Sancho.

Meredith sits down next to her work wife, Cristina, and while they wait, asks her what she should make of Derek's diabolical plan.

Meredith: So, Derek wants Alex and Izzie to move out.
Cristina: Since when does he say "jump" and you jump?
Meredith: Well, I'm happy.
Cristina: I'd be pissed off… ah, do whatever you want.

Cristina is still easing into her role as Meredith's supportive "person." I'm not sure I like these new adventures of old Cristina. It's like trying to housebreak a grizzly bear.

A few rows back, Sloan sits down behind Erica.

Erica: [to no one in particular] Hey, you hear anything about what the new rules are?
Sloan: Last I heard, you were into handholding, foot rubs and lots of late night gab sessions.
Erica: Excuse me?
Sloan: Oh. You're talking about the Chief's new rules. I thought you were referring to you and Torres. I've been wrong before.

The trifeca of handholding, foot rubs and late night gab sessions doesn't sound so much like lesbian dating as it does sleep-away camp. Which, for some of us, was actually the same thing. And you know who you are.

Everyone settles down as the Chief lays out his new rules, which finally correct his ill-conceived, old rules, and announces a stricter enforcement of policies he's been lax about.

The meeting was for himself, basically, but thanks for coming.

Some new edicts:

From now on, specializing is a no-no. Dermatologists will do tonsillectomies and cardiothoracic surgeons will perform pelvic exams because rib spreaders and speculums are essentially the same thing if you really think about it.

Furthermore, there will be no more personal loyalties or favors. And this means you, mirror's reflection. This should come as great news to George, who needs to stop being the Chief's butt monkey before he gets the funny syphilis.

Also, everyone will work on their bedside manners and the "lost art of humanity and compassion." And lastly, Seattle Grace is a teaching hospital, so everyone better teach and learn with enthusiasm.

To review: Don't do anything you know, with anyone you know, and be compassionately disinterested about it. Got it?

This week's cases — Jack, 47, needs an aortic aneurysm repaired. The guy needs something, because he looks like he's 65. Cardio Super Fan Cristina has done all the preliminary exams and familiarized herself with the case, so what does the Chief do? He pulls her off the case and assigns it to Alex, natch.

Down the hall, Derek shows the residents his patient, Barry. Barry's tried every medication under the sun for the pounding headache he's had for seven whole years, but to no avail. On a scale of one to 10, he's been living with an eight. Divorce will clear that right up.

Meredith did all the leg work on this case, which ends up on Cristina's plate because the Chief has secretly issued restraining orders for Meredith and Derek: They can not come within 15 feet of the same hippocampus.

Lastly, Shelly, a young Asian woman with no hair, is dying of colon cancer. She has a sister named Jenn, who really embraces her self-appointed role as Shelly's patient advocate.

Not going to med school never stopped an Asian from acting like they did.

Izzie has developed a rapport with Shelly, but gets ripped from her bedside by the Chief faster than Kirstie Alley can steal a cheeseburger from a blind 9-year-old.