A
spooky mansion, 1789 – We see a women with
gold ringlets walk quietly through impressive marble corridors,
and eavesdrop on two men talking about slaves. Obviously,
the dimmed lights and faintly-spooky music are meant to
set the tone of the programme. The woman, whom we later
discover to be Rachel McBain, then scampers off to the
servant's quarters to make out with one of them, while
watching an older slave perform what we are meant to presume
is voodoo. All in a night's work, I suppose.
Present
day, the mansion again – The spooky setting
has changed from a house of wig-wearing slave owners to
a 6th form college, and there is no more sex with slaves.
Instead, there are teenagers reading out a text in an
English class, with heavy emphasis and innuendo on "sucked
on country pleasures" by one mean-looking girl. We
are then introduced to the heroine of the show, Cassie,
and, sitting next to her, Thelma, who is offering her
a lick of her lolly (literally), which Cassie refuses.
The
hallway – Although its set in England,
the writers of Hex have decided to give the school
American-style corridor lockers, which give ample opportunity
for the teenagers to lean and stare angst-filled at each
other. Oh joy. However, there is a ray of hope that this
programme will not be another Dawson's Creek
(or As If, which the writers also wrote) in the
form of Thelma, and her relationship with Cassie.
When
they see the 'popular' teenagers walking down the stairs,
Thelma aptly states, "Look at them; they are like
flies. And you know what flies are drawn to."
The
girl's bathroom – Cassie is sitting on
the toilet (er, thankfully not using it), and listening
to the three bitchy girls from her English class spy on
the boys in the showers adjacent to the bathroom, and
talk about their, er, "assets." Cassie is smiling
bemusedly, but you get the feeling that she would prefer
to be the other side of the door, talking with them about
how they have loose morals and silly relationships.
The
grounds – We see Cassie walking across
the school grounds, looking rather lonely, and then conspicuously
go into what looks like a store room, which we recognise
as the old slave house. She smokes wistfully. (If you
can, er, smoke wistfully, that is.)
After
accidentally loosening a skirting board, she doesn't do
what a normal teenager would probably do (run away in
apathy) but instead turns into Nancy Drew and investigates.
She finds a hairy cross, and a blue vase, which she then
strokes and drips blood into when she accidentally cuts
herself on a sharp edge.
Here's
the lesson, kids – don't play with antiques; they
are like weapons in hibernation.
The
dorm room – Thelma is lying on her bed
wearing pink semi-polka dot pajamas and eating sweets
(we will see later on that Thelma seems to have an addiction
to confection); she offers to model for Cassie, who would
"rather draw a bowl of fruit." Nice. Thelma,
obviously bored, brings up the subject of Troy, the local
heartthrob of the school, supposedly. Cassie gets flustered,
and says he is not her type. Thelma winds Cassie up while
simultaneously flirting with her by saying:
Thelma, still bored, wanders over to Cassie's table, where
she has displayed the attacking blue vase, and which Cassie
explains "[she] found." Thelma, instead, asks
"Does it vibrate?"
Bedroom,
late at night – Cassie is asleep, and suddenly
gets flashes of the woman from the beginning writing something
on the back of the loose skirting board (which is, I suppose,
more original
that hiding things under a floorboard.) Cassie wakes up,
obviously shocked, and Thelma instantly rushes over to
comfort her, giving her a big hug, to which Cassie gently
responds with, "What are you, my dyke in shining
armour?" No, your dyke in pink pajamas!
The
school grounds, the next day – Cassie runs
headlong into Troy, and her work gets scattered everywhere.
Cassie then runs into her English teacher - who should
be, if she isn't already, hitting on
Cassie.
Art
class – Roxanne is displaying her piece
which consists of some swirls and some stars, and which
is supposedly about "sexual frustration." The
art teacher tells her the truth--that it's rubbish--and
Roxanne sulks back to her chair. Cassie is up next, and
encouraged by Thelma, she displays a three-piece mystical
scene. Leon, Troy's best friend, says it's "sad"
and that it reminds him of porn, while Thelma looks angry.
The art teacher, however, thinks it's talented –
and we get the impression that Cassie is popular with
the teachers, even if she's not popular with the students.
Nighttime
shower scene – We see Cassie wash her hair
in the semi-communal showers, which are obviously going
to be featured again in future episodes, with the requisite
semi-nude shot. Once she has finished washing her hair,
she sees a bald woman in the mirror, and freaks out.
Dorm
room – Cassie lies in a foetus position
on the bed, looking spooked. We see Thelma come in talking
about how she thinks her (male) yoga-teacher is hitting
on her, and who is "way too into my sun salutation".
Cassie is rude to Thelma, telling her to get off her bed,
and generally being sulky and spooked.
Somewhere
in the mansion of the school – The headmaster
and English teacher talk about Cassie, the latter of whom
says "she would rather be stupid and popular"
than intelligent. They obviously think she is a brilliant
student, albeit a bit weird. And they don't even shower
with her.
School
grounds – Cassie and Thelma are playing
'Shag, Marry, Push off a Cliff' – Cassie would kill
George Bush and marry Saddam Hussein. Thelma, on the other
hand, would marry Cameron Diaz, Shag Lucy Liu, and kill
Drew Barrymore. Cassie remarks that Thelma has obviously
thought about this before, as she answered with complete
confidence and speed. Thelma then has to go to ceramics,
which surprises Cassie as she thought she would be doing
metalwork, "supporting the sisterhood." What,
are all lesbians welders?
Thelma
exclaims that "beneath this fluffy exterior is the
heart of a bull dyke!" Cassie wanders off and witnesses
Roxanne, the "sexually frustrated" crap artist,
having an argument with the art teacher, with whom she
seems to have more than just a student-teacher relationship.
Roxanne starts to cry when the teacher tells her that
their relationship is over, and Cassie, unable to run
away as I would have, goes and gives her a hug.
Dorm
room – Cassie is investigating her vase,
getting more flashbacks: a woman in a river, the woman
in the beginning screaming, and a man kissing her. She
is interrupted by someone knocking at the door. It's Roxanne,
making sure that she won't tell anyone about what she
saw, and inviting her to a movie night.
The
movie room – Cassie, Roxanne, Gemma, Troy
and Leon are all watching a raunchy video, and Cassie
looks rather bored, while Leon is looking lecherous. Where
on earth are the other students we see wandering about
the school?
Nighttime,
Dorm room – We see Thelma carrying copious
amounts of food and drink, and obviously thinking that
Cassie is in the room, describing their meal: "We
could have a cream tea. Without the cream. Or the tea."
When seeing that Cassie isn't there, Thelma wanders (in
her underwear and a floaty dressing-gown) around the school
trying to find her. Firstly, it's a pretty lenient school,
to let students
roam about undressed, and secondly, we ask again: where
are the other students (or teachers)? Thelma inevitably
sees Cassie surrounded by the "flies," and looks
distraught.
Later,
Cassie creeps back into the Dorm room, and Thelma pretends
to be asleep.
Lunchroom
– Cassie tries to reconcile Thelma with a large
slice of chocolate cake. It doesn't work, and Cassie goes
over to put it away, bumping into her wise headmaster,
who tells her a bit about the lady of the house, Rachel
McBain (the woman at the beginning.) We learn that she
was obsessed with voodoo, and killed a maid in a sacrifice
designed to bring someone to her. The headmaster, in response
to Cassie's shocked reaction, says, "All religion
is dangerous if it is taken too far", which sets
the political tone of the programme.
The
town – Cassie is out being lonerish, and
sees Roxanne and Gemma at a café table. It's rather
embarrassing, as Roxanne and Gemma have that lovely temperament
that comes with being bitchy and popular, and you feel
for Cassie, who is invited to one of Leon's parties, and
gratefully accepts.
Dorm
room, evening – Cassie makes the cup Thelma
made her float in mid-air by accident, and then smashes
it in shock when Thelma comes in. Thelma expresses concern
over Cassie's change of character, which would seem to
indicate "drug addiction, parent's divorce, secret
membership to the CIA."
The
Dorm room of doomed cups – Cassie is trying
on clothes that she bought earlier for the party, and
is asking Thelma what she thinks. Thelma is listening
to music and reading her book, obviously still
ignoring her, but she can't help but sneak glances at
how pretty Cassie looks. Ah, doomed love.
The
party – Roxanne tells Leon that Cassie
wants to sleep with him, resulting in him attempting to
rape her when he corners her in an alleyway. Cassie causes
the lights to burst, and runs away.
The
grounds – Cassie walks across, looking
rather dazed. Once inside the school, she hears her name
being whispered and freaks out, causing the English teacher
to come out of her room (presumably), and ask if Cassie
is alright.
The
Dorm room – We see Cassie crying on the
bed, prompting Thelma, her dyke in shining armour, to
come over, asking what's wrong. Cassie tells Thelma everything,
from Leon to the vase, including the discovery of her
newfound powers.
The
lockers – are exploited to their full use,
with Leon and Troy looking at Cassie leaning against hers,
and sniggering.
Outside
on the grounds – Thelma tells Cassie about
how she feels she is always watching over her, and that
she is always with her. Basically professing her love.
Cassie, meanwhile, is looking over across the grounds
at the man she saw kissing Rachel in her visions, Azazeal.
The
bathroom – Cassie is putting on nail polish,
and unintentionally moves the nail varnish telepathically
closer. Thelma looks on open-mouthed, rather shocked,
an example of Jemina Rooper's great comic timing.
English
class – Cassie, alongside practically the
whole class, is not paying attention to the film they
are watching, Frankenstein. The teacher calls
her over afterwards, and professes her concern. She
tells her that she can always buy her a drink, if she
wants to talk, yet again practically hitting on Cassie.
(This might be an exaggeration, but the teachers are such
good actors that I would prefer to see more of them than
the ghastly Leon and co.)
Dorm
room – Thelma asked Cassie for a favour:
to be her muse. This consists of Cassie lying in her underwear
on a large white sheet on the floor, while Thelma, tongue-in-cheek,
draws around her. It gives the writers ample opportunity
to show as much of Christina Cole's flesh in one show,
and for shots of Thelma and Cassie to be inches apart.
Thelma then names the piece "the whore on my floor",
which is truly inspired.
Art
class – Leon is being annoying, so Cassie
makes a mobile sculpture burst into flames and fall on
him. Extreme, but amusing. When Cassie gets questioned
about it by the headmaster, she claims innocence; the
headmaster asks if she is happy here, and if she has a
boyfriend. My esteem for Headmaster David goes down, because
he makes it seem as though she will only be happy if she
has a boyfriend.
They
talk about the Nephelim, the fallen angels. When Cassie
asks if he thinks they exist, David exclaims, "Absolutely.
Most of them are in year 11."
Spooky
house shot – near-pornographic sighs are
played over the shot, which then cuts to reveal Cassie
on top of Thelma, trying to help her do up her trousers.
After giving up, Thelma then changes into something else,
and pinches Cassie's behind. All in an evening's work.
The
party – Cassie is talking to Thelma about
how she feels she is going to give up on guys, semi-jokingly,
and they walk off, arms wrapped around each other's necks.
Later, Cassie causes Leon to trip on some wire and spill
a drink on Troy, causing him to storm off in metrosexual
annoyance. Cassie follows, and tries to talk to the now
half-naked Troy in the bathroom, who is still moping over
his shirt. Thelma sees Cassie in the door and, for the
second time, looks distraught. Thelma really should stop
looking through doors; it would save her a lot of pain.
Outside
– Cassie follows the angry Thelma, who accuses Cassie
of "playing with me... because you think I'm some
sort of loser," and because Cassie can't deal with
her feelings towards Thelma. Thelma storms off, and Cassie
sees Azazeal lurking in a doorway.
See? Doorways are evil.
School,
the next day – Cassie sees that Thelma's
bed is empty, and reports her missing. The English teacher
and the headmaster (who seem to be the only teachers in
the school), accompanied by a policeman, talk to Cassie
about their argument, and the English teacher tentatively
asks "was it about your friendship?" hinting
at, as Cassie puts it, the "lesbian bit." It
seems like it is going to
descend into a muddle of "don't be friends with a
lesbian or they will try and convert you," but fortunately
it stops just short of that.
Nighttime
– Cassie wanders about, and sees fresh roses at
the grave of Rachel McBain. Then, in a deserted classroom,
she comes across a piano-playing Azazeal, who floats a
rose petal in mid air, obviously a big fan of American
Beauty. Azazeal speaks vaguely and leads Cassie to
Thelma, who is in a secret room, tied to a chair. Azazeal
talks about how he is weak and how he needs a willing
sacrifice while he wields a knife. Cassie pleads with
him not to take Thelma (who is trying to loosen the ropes
that bind her hands), and when he starts to go after Thelma
(after exclaiming "you like her that much?"),
Thelma runs at him, screaming, and receives the end of
his knife. Thelma lies dying in Cassie's arms, while Azazeal
turns into a green winged thing that wouldn't be out of
place at a heavy metal concert.
Bedroom,
morning – Cassie wakes up, and again sees
Thelma's empty bed. Before we think it was all a dream,
like Cassie does, we see police and crowds around the
lake. Cassie runs out just at the point where Thelma is
being lifted from it, obviously dead. We see Cassie clinging
to a policewoman, crying.
The
grounds – Thelma's funeral is taking place,
with around 40 students and teachers, Thelma's parents,
and a red beret-wearing Cassie, making a half circle around
a woman priest talking about how Thelma was the epitome
of a good student, etc.
Just
before bisexual and lesbian viewers give up, Thelma pops
up next to Cassie as a ghost. Ever the sharp wit, Thelma
exclaims about the sermon: "This is just great. Don't
be a dyke or you will end up topping yourself," and
about the female priest: "She may look stern, but
she is a pussycat in bed."
Next
week: Thelma haunts Cassie; Troy asks Cassie
out; Azazeal gets creepier.
Read
more Hex recaps 
