"Exes & Ohs" Recaps: Episode 1.1 "There Must Be Rules"

Guileless feet have got no rhythm — Sam is dirty dancing with Becca when a cute young thang from Sam's (recent) past steps up to them. Why hello there. Becca steps in and claims her woman, even though Sam doesn't look like she wants to be claimed. The other woman picks up what Becca's throwing down and leaves in search of other prey.

The dance floor is crowded with lesbians. Jen gets jostled and bumps into some of that fresh meat Sam's been trying to sell her on. This one is a hottie in a styling cocktail dress with some serious cleavage. I'm tempted to call her Choice Top Round, but her name is actually Heather. Jennifer and CTR are eyeing each other when Crutch swoops in and pulls Jen away. The minister stands nearby, helping herself to the open bar.

Jen demands to know why Crutch is messing up her mojo. Crutch says she's looking out for Jen because she needs Jen to look out for her. Jen is momentarily flattered until Crutch adds, "Besides, she's way out of your league."

Minister: She's a pediatric surgeon who helps underprivileged children with rare diseases.
Crutch: And she's a little melodramatic.

At least I think she said "melodramatic." Awesome as she is, Heather Matarazzo has marbles in her mouth most of the time. Articulating is such a strain, she squints every time she opens her mouth. Besides, since this is a lesbian show, "she's a little melodramatic" is the most likely line, so I'm going with that.

Jen: It's OK … she's not really my type.
Minister: [eyeing Heather too] Please. She's everybody's type.

No kidding.

Crutch wants Jen to start small. She points to the undulating mass on the dance floor. This particular dance floor has a stripper pole because no yacht is complete without a stripper pole. A tall blonde in a loud print dress spies Jen, Crutch and the minister watching her, so she puts a short stripper show on for them. It's more of a rookie fireman's slide than a stripper's sexy slither, though, and Jennifer watches apprehensively. The dancing firefighter comes over, takes Jen's hand, and pulls her onto the dance floor.