"Exes & Ohs" Recaps: Episode 1.1 "There Must Be Rules"

One year later — Jennifer and Sam, along with Crutch, Chris with a "C" and her partner, Kris with a "K," are hanging out in a coffee shop called the Beever Cafe. Really? Not Cooter's Coffee? Or the Muff-In? How about just Vagina's?

The girls are doing what everyone does at a coffee house: They're playing poker. Sam has this week's girl toy hanging all over her: a hottie leather-clad Corky-type with a long, luxurious mane named Becca, played by Cathy DeBuono. And who wouldn't want to play poker with Cathy DeBuono?

Jen's head isn't in the game because after a year of gay bliss, Sienna and Dr. Emily have announced they're getting married. And because they're lesbians, Jen is invited. Actually, everyone is invited.

Chris and Kris are lovingly arguing over whether a puppy is an appropriate wedding gift. Kris votes yes, Chris votes no. What do you give the ex of your good friend and the woman she cheated with? Are we really that incestuous, or is inviting your ex and her friends to your wedding just a ploy for more gifts? Sometimes I really wonder about us.

At this point I think I should mention Sam looks like a young Joan Osborne, Jen sounds a little like Ellen DeGeneres, and Chris is a dead ringer for Marla Hooch. Oh wait. That is Marla Hooch. What a hitter.

Sam says a puppy is no kind of wedding gift. She thinks a wedding gift should be sexy. Hmm, yes. Hence all the couples registered at Babeland and Madam Eva's Fetish Chest.

With a revolving door on her bedroom, Sam tends to think with something other than her head. She leans in and gives 'Becca another tonsillectomy. Jen wisely suggests the ChKrisses give the couple something that won't outlive the marriage itself. Crutch chimes in helpfully, "Something between a goldfish and parrot."

Becca offers that the marriage might last because Sienna seems to really be in love "this time." Jen looks ill. Nice going, newbie. You can be replaced, ya know. Crutch asks Jen what she's bringing to the party. Jen states emphatically that she is not attending the unholy union of her ex and her therapist.

Jen addresses the camera for the first time. That's called "breaking the fourth wall" in theater lingo. Using Sam's Breakup Rule, Jen tells us since the Sienna breakup was one year ago, she should have been over it six months ago. Unfortunately, the Breakup Rule does not apply here. My "Get Over Her Rule" does. The Get Over Her Rule is a different formula that has many more variables, requires graph paper and involves π.