THIS WEEK'S RAP SHEET:

The hopeful: Nikki gets some news about her case.
The hapless: Denny tries to be tough and lands herself right in the hospital.
The horrid: Fenner returns.

There's gonna be a heartache tonight — It's dark out. Look, it's Larkhall! Did you know they have trucks, er, lorries that bring the newbies to the prison? I know you've never ever seen that before at the beginning of this show. It's so new and fresh.

But anyway, one of the newbies is a B. Lester, and she has a lot of piercings. Hollamby snaps her photo and then says she wants a picture without all the metal.

New inmate: You what?

When I was at the University of Manchester, that expression (which really just means "huh?") was my least. favorite. ever. — maybe it's second nature to Brits, but to this American, it sounded like the most extreme of put-downs, probably because it was usually preceded by a scoff and accompanied by a sneer, just like the new inmate did just then.

Anyway, why is Hollamby working the late shift? I guess they must all have to do that once in a while.

Oh, wait, it's not nighttime? Just, what, early morning or a really foggy day? It's definitely the start of a workday, because all the screws are gathering in the wing office — including Jim Fenner, who's looking reasonably hale and typically smarmy. Karen pretends not to be as excited as she very obviously is. Gina Rossi/Bossy, on the other hand, doesn't even try to hide her urge to flirt. Fenner flirts right back. These two probably deserve each other.

Karen gives them the rundown on the newbie, Buki Lester. It's Buki's third time in the slammer; this time she's in for GBH. No, not GHB the party drug — GBH, great/grievous bodily harm, known to us Yanks as first-degree assault.

Karen: Knifed her pimp. Heavy crack habit. The works.
Hollamby: Right little madam, she is. Face like a pincushion.

It's time I admitted it: I'd apply to be a prison officer tomorrow if I could be sure it would mean hanging out in the wing office and listening to Hollamby whinge and moan.

Everyone filters out except for Jim, who stays behind to tell Karen how much he's missed her. He wants to meet her in her office, but she says she can't; they're short-staffed. And also? She's right-minded now and knows you're a wanker, Jim. Or so I can hope.

Visiting hour — I'm already having trouble with time in this episode. It was a really dark morning in the British winter, I guess, and now we're having visiting time? No breakfast or anything? I can't function without those plastic blue cups to set the scene for me.

Lauren Atkins is marching right in to see her mother. Hi, Lauren, and hi, Lauren's awesome button-down shirt! She's all bossy and fierce, which is even better than the shirt. She doesn't understand why her mum is willing to lie for her dad — she thought they were allied against him. (Last week, Charlie's solicitor told Yvonne she'll be set up for life if she lies for her rotten husband.)

The Atkins women are both really hot when they're standing their ground.

Yvonne: There's more that goes on in a marriage than you know. Some ties can't be broken.
Lauren: He stitched you up, mum, so he was free to carry on with that bitch.
Yvonne: All right; maybe I am a stupid cow. But he said he's sorry and he's gonna look after us.
Lauren: He can't even look after himself! He doesn't deserve you. Or me.

Yeah. Sorry, Yvonne — I've gotta go with Lauren on this one. Lauren says she's been running things while her dad is in the clink, and he's no savvy businessman. But Yvonne doesn't care.

Yvonne: He's my husband, love. Your father. There's nothing you can do about that.

Oh no? Oh. Well, no.