America's Next Top Model: Cycle 7 Recaps:
Episode 9 “The Girl Who Sticks Her Foot in Her Mouth" (page 4)
by D. Yueh

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Tyra Mail — “Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only four will continue …” Yeah, yeah. We know.

There's definitely something rolling around in Amanda's head. She stunk like a bull turd earlier, but what really seems to be under her skin is that Michelle did better than she did. With fewer girls to choose from, she sticks out farther than her Dumbo ears.

Panel — Tyra introduces the panel yet again. Except for Elite director Pancho Saula, it's the same faces. Can't we dispense with this formality at this point? Seriously, all I want to know is what Miss J.'s hair is doing. Tonight, he's got it sculpted into the shape of two horns. I love this guy.

Nigel explains the girls will step up and tell the judges who has the most potential and who has the least potential to become the next Top Model. Melrose picks herself to win, and if you didn't see that coming, really, you should not be watching television. You should be practicing using a spoon and walking upright. Melrose says, “I think that the least potential in this room lies in …” She turns around like she's forgotten who's still with us. “Eugena,” she finally says.

Calculating Melrose isn't going to blow an opportunity to dis somebody by stating the obvious (Amanda or Michelle). She probably thinks Eugena is her closest competition.

Eugena thinks that Eugena should win. Dah. “I think this competition is more about the journey to get to the top.” As for the girl with the least potential, she picks Amanda because, frankly, Amanda sucks.

Even though she stuck her foot in her mouth, CariDee still thinks she should win because she has, quote, a “really big passion for this industry.” She also picks Amanda as the biggest loser. If she has to, CariDee wants to lose to someone who wants it as much as she does.

Amanda doesn't choose herself to win because she's too much of a goody-goody to lie. Instead she hides behind false modesty and chooses Eugena. She picks CariDee as the girl with the least potential because she's a bland country girl, not because CariDee picked her. No, not at all.

Michelle stands with her thumbs hooked in her jean pockets like the baby dyke that she is and flat-out says: “For the strongest, I'm not going to go for myself because I don't think I'm the strongest in this competition. I would probably pick CariDee. She does have that bubbly personality.” Love ya, twin.

When she goes to choose the the person with the least potential, she breaks down. You know she wants to pick herself, and while she doesn't just come out and say it, she reminds the judges she doesn't have the “energy or passion that CariDee and Melrose have.”

Let's review. Michelle said she might be gay. She really doesn't know what she wants. She's not sure she wants to be a model. She doesn't know what she's doing. The only thing we do know about Michelle is that she'll never spit just it out.

The Bull Shots — A big red cape has been digitally added to Melrose's bull-ring shot. She looks terrible. The bull strikes a better pose than she does. She does get points for doing so well at the go sees.

Tyra gives props to Eugena for talking about “the journey” of becoming a model. Eugena's best bull shot is actually pretty graceful, believe it or not. The camera caught her face at just the right angle. She looks good because she doesn't look like Eugena. Miss J. says: “Why y'all giving her credit for my picture? That looks like me.” Even Tyra admits she “can't do dat.”

Tyra tells Michelle she has the strongest portfolio but that she doesn't know her own strength. “You just need to accept ‘I'm dope.’” Saula really loves Michelle's face. Everybody loves Michelle's face. Except Michelle.

Amanda is told she has a great look, but the top part of her body doesn't always know what the bottom part of her body is up to. Nigel wonders whether Amanda has the natural talent that her sister has. If you put these two together, Michelle's natural talent and Amanda's model ambition, you'd still have someone who weighs less than 100 pounds.

It's CariDee's turn. She whips out a hand-written note and proceeds to tell the panel how sorry she is for being such a dumbass. She's so truly grateful and only wants to represent all of them in a “good, respectable, classy, fun, responsible way.” Grovel much?

In her shot, Tyra compliments Nigel's photography, but not so much CariDee's face. Tyra calls the picture “hoochie.” Yeah, but in her defense they dressed her hoochie. No one else had to wear hot pants with knee-high leather boots.

During the deliberation, Dr. Tyra makes an interesting, insightful analysis about the conundrum that is Michelle and Amanda. “I wonder if Michelle does want this but she knows her sister wants it more, so she's going to sacrifice herself.”

The girls are called back into the room, and the countdown begins. It's always the same so let's cut to the chase. The last are two standing are the twins. They hold hands. Tyra says: “I think you know why you both stand before me. One of you has such a natural talent … and then there's you,” looking at Amanda, “the girl who has all the drive in the world, but the talent, we don't know.”

It's a real cliffhanger. Tyra hesitates just long enough and then pulls out … Amanda's picture. The twins hug. Michelle looks relieved and happy for her twin. She saunters out with her signature lesbian gait.

Michelle says about her sister, “Maybe I was a distraction. Now that I'm gone, I hope it gives her more focus.” She also tells us that she was here to find herself and “I found a little bit of something and that works for me.” Would that be lesbianism? Works for me, too.

Next Week — Melrose has a meltdown because of that hideous dress she's wearing. CariDee suffers hypothermia.

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