America's Next Top Model: Cycle 7 Recaps:
Episode 9 “The Girl Who Sticks Her Foot in Her Mouth" (page 2)
by D. Yueh

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Tyra Mail! — The girls squeal, “Tyra mail!” Why are they still screaming when there are only five of them left and they're all standing right there? The card reads, “Only the elite will continue in the competition. Get ready to see who will ‘Go' and who will stay.”

Go See — Pancho Saula, the director of Elite International, meets with the fab five to explain the next hellish contest. Today, they're going to learn about the “go see,” the modeling industry equivalent of a job interview. Job interviews should also have a cute name. Maybe something like “go lie” or “go beg.”

Saula lists the four key elements they'll be judged on: appearance, runway walk, personality and portfolio. The twins are going to blow it on runway walking — Michelle walks in heels about as good as I would. Amanda's walk looks like she's got crabs.

Saula tips them off that the designers like smiles and bubbliciousness. Eugena's personality is guaranteed to underwhelm. I predict a Battle of the Blondes.

They have four hours to see as many designers as possible and be back at the Elite offices by 6:00 p.m. Only Melrose immediately looks at her watch. They can hate her all they want, but she gets it.

Given a list of 10 designers and a local map, the girls are let loose on the streets of Barcelona. The twins set out together because they can't even go to the bathroom by themselves. Eugena gloms onto CariDee because she knows she can't do this by herself. Melrose is the fifth girl out, but she doesn't want anyone dragging her down anyway.

Melrose immediately makes her way to the first designer. The contact there says approvingly, “She moved all right. She listened to me, so when I told her she needed to change her way of walking, she did that.”

Lost and Delirious — Things are not going smoothly for Amanda and Michelle, who are completely lost. They waste a lot of time trying to find someone who speaks English who can help them. Map-reading is not one of their talents. Nor is simple common sense. What would be so hard about finding a cab driver and just pointing to the address?

Out of breath, CariDee rushes into the same shop Melrose just left. The woman asks her where she is from, and CariDee replies, “North Dakota.” Like this woman knows where the hell that is. Now there's at least one person in Spain who thinks North Dakota is the place in America where the women have teeth as big as Chiclets.

“I'm going for quality and impressing and being myself,” announces CariDee, unaware she just contradicted herself.

“We don't need this,” the woman says, pointing to CariDee's necklace. “We don't need this,” she says, pointing to her earrings. The designer is a little annoyed. Models are supposed to be blank canvases — save your personal stylings for Victor.

On her first go see, Eugena puts on her best artificial smile, and the designer, not knowing her the way we do, buys it.

Frick and Frack are hopelessly lost and falling behind. Holding the map (upside down?) Amanda says to Michelle, “No, we're at this one, stupid!” like they're back home trying to find their way to the new mall.

After an hour of standing on various street corners, the Lost Girls finally find their first designer. The other girls have seen at least two or three by now. The clock is ticking, and what do they do? They take a break and apply ChapStick. Good God, what are you two waiting for? Get in there.

Once inside, the designer asks Michelle, “You always been this thin?” Hee. Seriously, eat a tamale. I'm begging you.

Being a skeleton is the least of her problems. The designer doesn't like the way she walks, but maybe could use her as a catalogue model: Spring Fashions for the Disturbingly Gaunt. She likes Amanda better, which is like saying you enjoy kazoos because they're more melodic than musical spoons.

Melrose says: “The best part of my strategy for this challenge was not having a partner. Because when it comes down to it, we're all in this competition alone.” Isn't that a Cher song?

Twenty-eight minutes to go and Michelle and Amanda have only seen two designers. They run into Melrose, who brags she's seen five. Before they can say, “Does anyone here speak English?” time's up.

Back at Elite, Melrose is there with five minutes to spare, looking terribly smug. CariDee and Eugena arrive at the same time, too. Lost and Clueless are nowhere to be found.

About 10 minutes after six o'clock, Michelle strolls in like she hasn't a care in the world. Turns out she doesn't have to care anymore because she's disqualified and told to leave. Amanda rolls in a whopping 35 minutes late and is also shoo'd away.

They spend the rest of the time moping in the stairwell.

Saula informs the remaining three that all the designers liked Melrose because she's a calculating suck-up. She does need to practice her walk, though. He tells CariDee that with a little work, she could walk haute couture right away, but she needs to lay off the makeup and be natural. That's rich, considering she's been going on all day about how great it is to be herself. The story with “Eugenia,” as Saula pronounces it, is that she has a good look but no personality.

So basically, we learned nothing new today.

He concludes, “The model who impressed the designers the most was,” … wait for it … “Melrose.”

Once again, to keep resentment levels maxed out, Melrose is told she can ask one girl to join her in her prize, a night of supermodel treatment.

She picks CariDee, who tries to look excited, even though she can't stand being hugged by her. Eugena says, “She can win a challenge; I don't really care,” but her face says otherwise.

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