America's Next Top Model : Cycle 7 Recaps:
Episode 8 “The Girl Who Breaks Down" (page 2)
by D. Yueh
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Los Angeles Repertory Company — The girls head over to the Los Angeles Repertory Company to meet actress, acting coach and Tyra’s girl, Tasha Smith. Smith introduces herself like she’s projecting for the back of the house, even though the girls are sitting in the front row. “Are we ready to rock and roll? ALL RIGHT! I’m Tasha Smith, ladies! I’m an actress and I also teach AAACTING, and I’m also a good friend of Miss TYYYRAA.” Use your inside voice, please.
Oh, and Tasha has long hair that Jaeda would kill for.
Tasha boasts she’s where Tyra got her crazy on. The girls are going to have to learn how to bring up emotions on cue. Too bad Anchal didn’t make it this far. She couldn’t keep her emotions down — she’d be all over this.
Their first acting exercise the girls will have to endure is something Tasha calls the “Silly-Dilly.” Did you hear that? Stella Adler just rolled over in her grave. CariDee gets picked first because Tasha pegs her for a loudmouth. CariDee’s up for it and declares, “I have spontinuity, bitches!” She then proceeds to do her impression of a grand mal seizure and then, as a bonus, a frog.
Eugena is also in need of some Dilantin as she thrashes around like a trout at the bottom of a row boat. Our resident bashful wallflower, Amanda, must be on some other drugs because she gets up and dares everyone to “look at this butt!” as she swings her booty to and fro.
“Ugly faces! Your face is not ugly enough!” Tasha yells at Melrose, who’s doing her own interpretive choreography of the “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” and going “Woooooo!”
Michelle’s inner cool (read: lesbian) takes over and she can’t act the dork just because some crazy woman is yelling at her to do so. Jaeda’s idea of “Silly-Dilly” is to lock her elbows behind her knees and toddle around the stage in circles. More Silly, less Dilly, Einstein.
“Silly-Dilly” ends, and not a moment too soon. Tasha announces the second exercise is something she likes to call “Dump.” I could not have picked a better name myself.
She wants the girls to let their emotions run free cuz, ya know, up until now, there’s been none of that. “If you want to cry, cry,” she tells them — as if they need encouragement in that department. I think if they want to dump, they should dump. Right there, on stage. Pink Flamingos, anyone?
Eugena apparently thinks this exercise is called “Bitch” because she gets up in front of everyone and just moans about how hard the competition has been for her. When Tasha tries to get her back on track and encourages her to cry, Eugena pauses like she’s going to sneeze and then just sighs. Good job, Miss Streep.
Michelle bitches some too, but she does manage to squeeze out one tear as she vents her frustration because she has little idea what she’s doing or if she cares.
Good old Melrose goes ballistic on the other girls and screeches at the top of her lungs, “I work at myself, because I am not empty! Because I want to be better! Because I want to f***ing win!” After she’s done, she stands there all proud like, “How was that?” Now that’s acting.
Jaeda, Eugena and CariDee sit in silent shock with raised eyebrows and open mouths. Eugena says simply, “I think Melrose is bipolar.”
Jaeda is crying about guess what? Her hair. She doesn’t feel like a sexy woman. Even her boyfriend is telling her to “just get over it” but she can’t and starts sobbing in earnest, bringing the term “bad hair day” to a whole new level.
CariDee starts off like the others: The most pressing thing on the girls’ minds isn’t Darfur or TomKat’s wedding; it’s the hard work of modeling and trying to win that pains them so very deeply. CariDee smashes her fist into her other hand and wails she “wants this so bad” with such desperation, I’m starting to squirm a little. “I’ve been through so much,” she bawls. “I even tried killing myself.”
Whoa. CariDee.
When things are that bad, I’ve always felt there are two ways of looking at it. Things can get even worse, in which case, they’re not as bad as they can be. Or, things can’t get any worst, in which case, they can only get better. Either way, why would you want to off yourself? You’ll never get to admire another cute girl. You’ll never enjoy another mound of crunchy potato ecstasy, otherwise know as Tater Tots. You’ll miss Whitney Houston finally coming out as a big ol’ lesbian. Who wouldn’t want to be here for that?
For once, Melrose is visibly shaken. CariDee runs off to the bathroom where Tasha and Michelle gather round to comfort her. Thanks, Tyra, this was a great idea. Does anyone think Jaeda feels stupid for crying over a haircut now? Yeah, me neither.
Deftly closing the Pandora’s Box of emotion she opened, Tasha announces enthusiastically that they’ll now each shoot their own silent film. The girls smile and cheer. The winner will get a walk-on role on the CW show, One Tree Hill.
Tasha gets comfortable in a front row seat and shouts out directions that seem random and pointless. “Run to the window and look sad!” “Eat that lemon!” “Chug the prune juice over there!” “There’s a knock at the door! Go see who it is!” Why, it’s a diminutive actor dressed as a telegram delivery boy.
Watching Michelle pretend to be on the phone, Tasha tells her, “Oh God, even in a silent movie, you suck.”
Jaeda’s the only one dumb enough or desperate enough to eat the whole lemon. Michelle tries valiantly to drink the prune juice, but she barfs it up back into her mug. “I’m 135 percent sure that I’m not going to win the challenge … actually, I’m 200 percent sure,” she says, stating the obvious.
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