Is it just me, or has Season 5 of America’s Next Top Model “jumped the shark” now that the Sarah-Kim affair is over?

The show was a bit of a snooze last night. Yes, Coryn got in Lisa’s face, Janice Dickinson made Lisa cry, Evil Jay was wearing so much pancake makeup that he looked like a spray-tanned porcelain doll, but none of it measured up to the prime-time sapphistry we’ve been served in previous weeks.

Without the illicit gay love, the episode was kind of a downer.

In the opening voice over, Tyra suggests that “Sarah was eliminated because she became distracted by her crush on Kim.” Back at Chez Model, Kim admits that she might have deserved elimination more than Sarah.

As is often the case when someone who is not a raving bitch gets eliminated, the girls are down in the dumps. So they do what we all do when we need to lift our spirits.

They pose for topless pictures!

It’s “Models Gone Wild,” with the girls ripping off their tops and hanging all over each other. Kim somehow ends up in the middle of each shot, flanked by her semi-naked honeys. Self-designated photographer Diane tells Kim, “You look like a pimp!”

Meanwhile, Lisa is setting up a mini-liquor mart in her bedroom. The only catch is that none of it’s for sale. Or for sharing. She wants to keep the dozens of bottles of booze all to herself. She’s going to need them for later, when she gets loaded and points out all of the other models’ flaws.

Propped up in her deck chair, Lisa has lots of alcohol-inspired wisdom for her housemates. Diane humors her, but Coryn is not going to play it that way.

Lisa bluntly tells Coryn “You need to stop working out.”
Coryn: “No I don’t.”

Well, she probably DOES need to stop working out. She is so skinny and ripped that she looks like human jerky. And maybe if Lisa pointed this out privately, with genuine concern for Coryn’s health instead of slurring it out at top voice in front of everyone, the comment might be acceptable.

But it’s not like that.

Lisa tells Coryn that she looks hard, and that she has a screwed up perception of her body because she thinks she’s fat but she’s actually too skinny.

Lisa has already told us (ad nauseam) that she just wants to help the other girls out, even if only to make it more meaningful when she defeats each and every one of them. So it’s no surprise that she caps her graceless critique with, “For your advantage, it would best if you just ate and didn’t work out.”

While I can personally attest to Lisa’s suggested fitness regimen, I don’t think Coryn is going to go for it.

Coryn: “Why would I listen to someone I’m competing against?”

Cut to kind and forgiving Diane, “When Lisa drinks, she just lets herself come out a little bit more.”

Actually, it looks like Lisa might have a drinking problem. But if this is the case, I’m sure it will be handled with the same high-minded sensitivity with which Michelle’s flesh-eating virus---I mean, impetigo—was handled by the other models last season.