Amazon has always been my first thought when buying something I can't buy on the streets. It's reliable, safe, and good with their orders. I've already accepted the fact that there are people on youtube try to flag any scene that ever so slightly shows anything gay/lesbian/bi/transgender as something inappropriate. Even kissing is 'inappropriate'. It's interesting how this kind of thing happens now and not before. I love how in shows like The OC and House MD, it is acceptable to show two girls kissing and thensome. That is acceptable of course if they go back to men in the end.  I doubt that books about girls loving men, then loving women, then going back to men would have been placed in the adult section.

Sex seals the deal. No turning back. Until next sweeps/season that is. Then it's all fair game for both sides. Fair game meaning back to heterosex. 

Excellent articel!

I love how reading afterellen really gets me thinking about stuff, which otherwise would never come to my attention.

It's really sad to be reminded though, that the world really isn't as open minded and forward as i always think it is. It sucks to know, that many people just think about sex when it comes to same sex couples, minimizing sex (and us) to something "dirty". Youtube and Amazon are telling people that my sexuality is not ok, that it's something children should never be "exposed" to and that hurts. I know it sound very cheesy but it's not about sex it's about love. But i'm afraid it will take a long time until the majority of the heterosexual population will realize that. And this makes me very angry because I'm sure that as long as the US doesn't legalize same sex marriage nation wide we won't have same sex marriage in germany either...

I've seen a lot of this Amazon stuff blow up today, and I suspect the LGBT community's being taken advantage of. Having been on design side of a system much like Amazon's, I've been surprised at how many people think it's a deliberate company strategy.  Please do take a read of this guy's description of third-party trolling, because I truly think the LGBT community is being co-opted in an attack on Amazon:  http://tehdely.livejournal.com/88823.html

From what I've been able to tell, the Amazon thing is an "adult" setting that's mostly controlled by users -- namely, users using the "flag as inappropriate" button.  In the past few hours, all of the items that have been re-listed have had that button removed from the item's page.  I'd guess that some third-party group organized a mass action flagging, resulting in all of these LGBT books ending up automatically getting stripped of their rank.   And then the trolls instigated this firestorm on Easter Sunday, when Amazon would be a skeleton crew ill-equipped to handle the issue.

I could be wrong, of course, but I have absolutely no evidence that Amazon has a history of anti-LGBT actions and this pattern fits prior trolling attacks.  From a tech perspective, I can tell you that this could also easily be a glitch, triggered by something as simple as reclassifying a category without exposing its dependent categories.  For it to be a company policy seems both inexplicable and hard to enforce (it would have to be an open secret throughout the entire tech group).

 straight people are more perverted than we are!

*don't be a swagger hater*

Well, this is just my opinion, and I really don´t want to offend annyone, I think this article shows a good point of view, but I think... what problem has America with sex??? I don´t think is a bad thing... I find most of American tv shows really prudish (is that the correct word???) and when they want to show that something is bad, they use it throught sex... like whith gay/lesbian things.

Sex is great, I like it, everybody does, why is ok to show people dying, but not people having sex????

So my point of view is that, what have to change is the concept of sex in American tv,  but I think this is more difficult than change the over sexualized way they see homosexuality... 

The site Smart Bitches, Trashy Books has a good post on "hitting [Amazon] where it hurts," in its PR, not its pocket book.

So they initiated a Google Bomb and very quickly got this page raised to the top of a Google search for the topic Amazon Rank.

Awesome article - and Amazon.com have shot themselves in the foot by saying it's a search issue - it's a publisher and distributor issue who tag their titles as adult. The obvious automation of their gay&lesbian page doesn't help either.

As I am a UK shopper I would recommend any lesbian and gay man who wants to see a better representation of our books and DVDs to check out Amazon.co.uk's dedicated Lesbian & Gay DVDs pages - they at least appear to have a gay person in charge of it.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Gay-Lesbian-DVD/b/?ie=UTF8&node=168710011

Unfortunately the only way I can actually get my gay stuff is through Amazon, so I don't think I'll be capable of boycotting it.

It's the sex-related-to-gay thing that gets me though. I guess it's why I'm afraid of coming out, and why I'm pretty much closeted. I'm terrified of telling people I'm gay, and have them immediately think I'm either hitting on them (with the case of women), or have them imagining me having sex with another woman. The linking of these two isn't just limited to what you've mentioned, it opens a whole 'nother can of worms for us closeted folk!

And responding to someone above - there's nothing wrong with sex, but there's everything wrong with gay people being about nothing BUT sex and no feelings, and letting straight people get all the love.

I recently had a conversation w/ an Indian friend of mine:

We were talking about how much easier life would be if we were straight, about the gay and lesbian scene, all the drama,the oversexedness, and how tired we were of it all...

We talked a little about if we could endure the sex with the opposite gender, and were both clueless about that.

But he said something that is just the essence of it all:

He craves the "company" of a man.

And I know, that I've never felt as passionately about the L Word as I do about "Otalia" these days..because I don't want to see two women go at it, but I want them to raise a kid together, fold laundry,pack lunch, etc.

Sometimes, I feel, that it's not just amazon, or youtube,or whoever..many of us think it's not called homosexuality for nothing, and it's just the sex that defines us..

Thank you so much for contributing a big part to that,Ilene Chaiken...

I am so,so angry with that show, not just for the crappy writing,but also because so many (younger) people have "come out" with it,and think they're now part of a big meat turnover industry...

It's not all "The L Words" fault..but it definitely played that chord...

just because of the type of person i am because of how my family is, i haven't actually had that much exposure to lesbians in real life.  i hung out with a few a couple of summers ago when i was sort of dating one of their friends (bookmark this).  but i wasn't around them long enough to get a new impression of how relationships really work.

my first impression of a lesbian relationship was south of nowhere, and then i started watching the l word, and you all know how that is. for the whole first season of SoN, Spencer and Ashley like eachother, and then in the final episode they have their first kiss, sex for the first time, and only after that are they officially dating.

back to that girl of mine. i always think of us as having almost dated, partially because we never got physical, but when i relayed to a straight friend some of the types of things we used to do, she was pretty adamant that we had in fact dated.  it was more of an innocent middle school type relationship, even though we were both nearing the end of high school and definitely in a position to be having sex.  our straight counterparts certainly were.

anyway, i just thought i'd share what an impact the media can have not just on the more universal perception of gays by straight people, but on individuals who have to learn everything they know from tv and movies because thier parents aren't exactly all about free love.

Both AfterEllen and AfterElton are blocked on the school's computer, even though websites like Perez Hilton's are left alone.

I was very upset when my school told me I couldn't organize a gay-straight alliance. I had considerable interest (about 20 kids) and a teacher that would let me have the meeting in her room. But the principal told me that he wouldn't let me organize one because he wasn't going to let a group be organized "solely based on who teenagers decide they want to have sex with".

Forget that we're ostracized by mainstream society because of who we LOVE...a meeting place for gay kids to feel safe? That's absurd! It just sex! Sex! OMG! 

"You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!"

"Heteronormativity".

 Any book, tv show, movie or other media type can contain sex or sexual references, but as long as it's heterosexual it's not "adult".

 As soon as it's same-sex, it's automatically "adult", whether sexual or not.

 Makes ya wonder whether it's us or them who's obsessed with sex (as pointed out above).

I think most of this is so right on, except the bit about Krod Mandoon.  I think that show is attempting (clumsily) to take on various stereotypes.  The only reason the gay character could have 300 men was because the pagan female character was participating in a "religious rite" involving having sex with 300 guys.   I've got pagan friends who might alternately be offended/laugh at the scene.  I felt Krod contained fairly "equal opportunity" bashing. 

I also agree that the media defines gays by highly sexualizing them.  However, isn't that the way with most relationships portrayed in current media?  Even straight relationships generally have a "consumation" scene.  I think romance--gay or straight--is stupidly and simplistically portrayed all around.  

I'm fortunate to have homosexuals in my family and in my circle of friends.  My kids, 10 and 7, won't ever know a world without all types of relationships. 

grrrr i actually got so mad when i read this!

i came out to my cousin yesterday ( 1st person in my family! ) and im starting to worry that she'll begin to see me as being a sexually gay person. which is completely the oposite. i havent even kissed a girl yet nevermind having sex! 

im worried that everyone i tell will stop seeing me as a person and begin to define me by who im attracted to instead of who i am!

Of course, it was no glitch. I had the same problem with Google's Adsense on my moderately popular blog. It does cover lesbian issues frequently, however it is not exclusively lesbian.  They were automatically suspending the shooting of their adverts to the site whenever the word "lesbian" was in the text.

It finally got so bad they suspended my partnership with Google. However, to Google's credit, a person contacted me, and the site was reinstated and I have not had any problems with them since.

I wish the same could be said for Digg. My site was banned from the social networking site as was that of Lesbiatopia--it is discussed here: Digg Strikes Again.

I had previously been harassed and then finally banned because of both my sexual orientation and politics: Why Digg Don't Digg Me.

Digg refused to work with me or Lesbiatopia. It has been over a year, and both sites remain blocked by Digg--even though there was a bit of a stir over it on the Internet.

I think this type of homophobia is particually prelevant in techie ciricles--even though they consider themselves quite progressive. They may be able to mouth progressive words, but they also tend to often have a stunted adolescent geekiness about them.

...it's a love story that's not ABOUT sex, it's about relationships and love. And it hits straight Middle America in a way that gets past their natural defenses when it comes to all things "gay." Unlike "L Word" or "Queer As Folk" or the disastrous Callica storyline over at "Grey's Anatomy," this love story isn't primarily focused on sex, sex, sex; rather it's focus is on the slowly built emotional connection between these two women and, as such, is quietly revolutionary. I understand the frustration with mainstream media's interpretation of gays and lesbians; that's why I think it's so important to support the stories out there that don't fall into this trap. And I think Amazon.com should be really embarrassed for their "glitch."

If you haven't gotten pulled into the Otalia crack den, go for it. You won't be sorry and it's by no means too late to get sucked into the slipstream.

I really feel like society will always have a distorted view of us. I actually emailed Amazon myself with an outraged email about their ridiculous business move. They replied today saying it was a "glitch" that they were going to fix. Yeah, right. Just the type of convenient glitch needed to satisfy the conservative portion of your customers. At least they are changing it back. Usually, most companies ignore our outrage until lawyers are involved. It still does not excuse what they did (and the least they could do is take responsibility for their bad judgement and give a sincere apology to the lgbt community). I am still pissed, but it won't stop me from buying from them as I have in the past (I would have stopped if they did not change it back). Also what good would it do for lgbt books to have their sales rankings back if everyone who would have bought them boycotts Amazon?

This isn't just a simple issue of mistaking anything to do with LGBTQ material as adult. How can homosexual childrens' books be de-ranked, but anti-gay propaganda still rank in multitudes? Do a search on homosexuality. There are literally pages of derogatory literature that comes up. The right wing and the normal queer books, are both related to LGBTQ sexuality. They're both most likely tagged with a word that clearly distinguishes that in the filing system.

Why does the negative side deliberately get a pass from de-ranking, when all the literature essentially has to do with the same subject matter?

If it was really all queer material getting swept under the rug, the books that talk about being gay as a disease or it's conflicting state with religion, would also fall under the supposedly innocent de-ranking.

I will not do business with Amazon again, no matter what they decide to do. It doesn't change the true nature of who they are. My queer money won't keep a roof over their head.

Okay, two issues here.

Whatever way you look at it, lgbt is minority culture. Even though so many out of 10 people will be or are gay, in terms of numbers, it's not the majority right? So, I don't think you can expect every other film at the cinema to be a senstivie realistic portryal of gay stories. It's just not gona happen. It seems contradictory, given how many lgbt folks are involved in the arts (i know, terrible generalisation, but i feel like iv met people that way).

There was a time, pre queer as folk, where gay people omplained about *not* being seen sexually. That gay people on screen weren't portrayed as full human beings because they were just sketches and u never saw the fundamental difference between them and straight people, through kissing or holding hands or through sex scenes with someone of the same sex.

That barrier was broken, and now, the "community" is unhappy again. Now it's *too*  sexual. And there's more to a gay person than just sex. Of course there is. I think it's gonna reach a third tier. There was the "gay people don't really do that kind of thing", to "yes we do and we love it", and now I think it'll come round to "we do that... but we also have interests in other areas too".

There are stories pretty individual to the lgbt world, which inherently marks it out as different. As other. It's not the same, isn't that the point? Some things are shared, some things are different.

It shouldn't be all about sex, particularly when it comes from a straight pair of eyes who are ignoring other aspects of character. But whoever's eyes it's thgrough, to neglect those other aspects is just bad writing, whether it's straight people, or gay people.

I like the saucy bits in l word, but my straight friend watches it for the stories and can't remember the sex scenes. So there might be a lot of sexual imagery but it might not be promoting the negative sexual connotations to the world that you might think.

Goodness AE can be alarmist sometimes.

I've been following it since it started. The thing that's irritating me the most is that LGBT is caught up in this adult filter at all.

I totally get why Amazon wants an adult filter. I'm not totally opposed to filtering certain things. There's times when things have come up in searches where I'm like "whoa! TMI"...things like erotica. But frankly, when I do an LGBT search I don't think I should get results for erotica and sexually explicit books in the first place. I'm not offended by seeing sexual material...it's just you know...if that's not what I'm looking for, I don't think it should be in the results because it's "LGBT".

I've sort of been banging my head about gay people not being defined by sexuality...even when talking TO gay people. I.E. I say, gay is important to my identity...and they say "I'm not defined by my sexuality." And I just kind of go round and round...being gay is way more than just my sexuality and who I have sex with. I'm not just different because I just "happen to have sex with women"...gay is more than that. It just is.

www.myspace.com/lunakiss7.com

We need more Sarah Warns in the world. You know this may be good thing. It's time to support our own community anyway. If it means I got to pay a bit more.  I guess I'll do it. Amazon still lost my business.  I agree with GrrrlRomeo.  There is no way this was a "glitch." They can fool everyone else but not me.

You're right they always oversexualize the gay community. So sad. It's probably way I limit my conversations with the straight world to none of you're business when asking about my personal life. I only want to communicate with mature  and intellegent human beings.  I don't care for all of the straight hoppla. I honest really don't care a whole lot about a straight person's life unless they are my close friends. It is  how I feel about it until a lot of them stop thinking backwards about the whole LGBTQI being freaks, oversexualized, sex objects,etc.

We cater to much for human approval and this world and it's taking a toll.

Keep doing what you're doing Afterellen-bringing these kinds of issues to the forefront.  

  This picture is actress Paula Patton, the R&B/Soul RobinThicke's wife. She played in Deja Vu,Idelwild and Rush Hour 3. So it's not me.

Amen to the article. I think one of the most frustrating things about being a lesbian in our society is that the term lesbian is synonymous with porn. Go on YouTube and type 'lesbian' and you're going to get porn. (That's why the website onemorelesbian.com had to be created to aggregate all the real lesbian content in one spot.) Google used to send back porn links until they changed their indexing. So many people, men especially, hear 'lesbian' and instantly imagine sex in their minds. Sometimes I get the feeling lesbians have to be an ultra-femme blondes with big boobs for many men to not think it's gross that we're lesbian, because they just go straight to lesbian sex and porn in their minds.

On YouTube, they flag the most innocuous, chaste same sex kisses. It seriously pisses me off. I have written to YouTube about it, but of course they haven't done anything. A very chaste and romantic kiss from the moving Saving Face is flagged, the same way two adults beating the crap out of each other is. It just doesn't seem right. YouTube is lumping an innocent kiss in with a heinous act of violence. They treat gay and lesbian sexuality like it is inherently explicit. Gays and lesbians don't need to do anything sexually graphic and explicit, because everything they do by nature is already graphic and explicit.

Sorry, but that's a load of crap. I think more people should write into YouTube. YouTube is just one website, but I think this image of gay and lesbian people needs to be taken one source at a time. And YouTube is by far the biggest video viewing website online anyway. A good place to start, I think.

an interesting article *s*

but here's a question, have we (the lgbt community) been part of "making our own bed" (pun so not intended but heck it was good).

We are gay/bi/etc and a part of this is who we are sexually attracted too, that's most often what "comes up" (getting worse, im sorry) in culture and conversation in and outside the media, because what differs us from the "majourity" (not true but that's most peoples perceptions) is who we are comfortable having a relationship/sex with.

being gay is not infact about "the sex", its simply about people, but when it comes down to interaction its about who we'll be in a relationship with and who we'll sleep with.

we're quick to ensure "our right" to be with the person we love is respected as much as it is for straight people, but do we do it in such a way and to such a degree that, the "issue" of our sexuality -continues- to -be- an issue, rather than it evolving into being "merely another shade of people".

are we part of perpetuating this image of homosexuality being about the sex (even encouraging it) by saying in essence "we're gay, we should have the same rights as you! your evil!" instead of "we're gay, your straight *shrug* so what? we're still people"?

*s* im not explaining this very well.. try again

the approach martin luther king took in the campaign he lead to have those of african descent granted equal rights was toned "we are different, but we are still humans like you" where as publicly the LGBT community seems to be only saying "we're different, deal with it and let us live".

niether is "less true", but one approach fosters mutual acceptance -regardless- of differences, and the other approach fosters insularism(yes made up word i think) and close and critical examination of those differences.

this being "true"(?) should we be suprised that the media and general populous focuses its "examination" on only one aspect of our lives? rather than simply taking us as "people".

(and yes im happy and comfortable comparing the lgbt communities fight for "equality" with that of other groups who have in the past also had to fight for equality)

good article, thankyou *s*

"weigh each of your words with care, for they will betray "you" and are by which you are weighed."
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And here ladies and gentlemen we have the root of our troubles! The main argument against gay marriage and other gay rights in general is that it's a choice. Even if they accept that God made you gay inside, they will not except your homosexual behavior aka sex. My worries against the media only showing the sexual parts of homosexuality have finally found a rational reason. 

To quote Kate McKinnon's standup "people always think that being a lesbian is about sex! and titties!When really its about crying, and texting!" 

To most people who's actually met a normal, stable well adjusted gay couple, or at least seen them in the media like Ross' ex-wife from Friends and Spashley from the SON, being gay is no big deal, and so treating other gay people with as much dignity and respect as anyone else won't be such a stretch either. 

In a perfect world, I'd want the media would show case glbt lives in a more 3 dimentional way. Because it hurts us from the inside as it does from the outside. I constantly worry that sex has become the standard for a relationship in the gay community. Though it certainly is an important part of it, but the things I picture my girlfriend and I doing would be holding hands, sharing meals, cuddling in bed, and even the typical long walks in the park. All good things that I don't know why the American media keeps ignoring.  

I think you said it perfectly, it's just so heartbreaking to hear.

It's ridiculous that we're stereotyped as sex addicts or something. Last time I checked, it's all the straight couples on t.v having sex left and right, far more explicitly than any of the gay characters i've seen. Like on South of Nowhere, the straight people are climbing ontop of each other, but Spencer and Ashley are only seen kissing (with no tongue) and only hinting that anything more happened.

I get that it's going to take time for everyone to come to accept the GLBT community, but it's going to take a hell of a lot longer when we're put into these tiny boxes labelled like this.