AE: Do you have anything you’d like to say to parents of lesbian children who, like yourself, have had to struggle to accept their children?
Duke: I’m sure there are plenty of parents out there in the same position as me. People have actually come up to me who have seen me on the show, telling me they are in similar situations. If there is anything I could say that would help, it would be: Love them as a daughter. Deal with it, cope with it, accept it and move on. Life is too short to hold on to problems or grudges. We are father and daughter.
Lauren: He brings a smile to my face! [Laughs.]
AE: Duke, did you seek out help from any outside sources, such as your local church or LGBT community organization, as you struggled to accept your daughter as a lesbian?
Duke: No, not really. It was just my realizing she is my daughter — she is a beautiful child, and I love her to death. You know, we all have our lives to live.
AE: Lauren, did you expect that your father would take it so hard when you first came out?
Lauren: I did anticipate there would be some struggle, but I didn’t anticipate the extent of it — that he would have such a hard time. We all grew up traditional, old-fashioned Italian. My family had their own mindset about the traditional roles of a man and a woman — that they should get together, get married and have children. It was very hard for them, coming to the realization and going through the process of finding out who I was as a person. There was a big difference between how I was feeling it and how my family thought of it. But I knew my dad was going through a process, and I was able to understand that. But it was hard.
AE: Even faced with your father not accepting you as a lesbian, you really seem to have stuck it out with him. Can you talk a bit about your determination to make it work with your dad?
Lauren: Well, you know — he’s my dad. He is someone I always looked up to, even as a small child. I was determined to have a positive relationship with my dad. Even though we may have differences of opinion, I wanted him to know me and to see me as a real person. Yes, I am gay. But that’s just a part of me, not the whole. It is an important part of me, but there are many aspects that make up who I am.
AE: How was the experience of coming out to the other members of your immediate family?
Lauren: I would say that my mom was initially supportive of me. She eventually also had a hard time with things, but ultimately she has gone through her process. She wants me to be happy as well. My brother and sister have always been supportive of any decision that I’ve made. But I suppose that siblings don’t have the same expectations that parents do.
I’m really thankful for the relationship I’ve had with my family, and I think that Amazing Race has given me the opportunity to not only get closer to my dad, but also to my entire family. We have all become closer, formed bonds and have come out on top.
AE: Given all that you’ve gone through, do you have anything you’d like to say to lesbian children, who, like yourself, have struggled with being accepted by their parents? Can you offer any advice on how to deal with it?
Lauren: I would just say, stay in touch with yourself. Ultimately, live life to the fullest. You have to listen to yourself and do what makes you happy. You have to stay connected, be determined and stay strong.
AE: Lauren, did you seek out help from any outside sources as you struggled to come out?
Lauren: Not really. As I said, I did get a lot of help from my mom. But when I felt comfortable and secure with myself, I was then able to take the next step and share who I was with my family — to share with my dad that I’m gay.
AE: By the way, congratulations on your strong showing in The Amazing Race. Can you remind us how you placed in the rounds you finished?
Duke: Before we were eliminated, I think it was second place, second place, third place.
AE: Wow! That sounds like it was a lot of fun —
Lauren: It was unbelievable! To know that the time we did spend in the race we were strong and pretty good competitors. We didn’t really struggle all that much, but you know, at times it does come down to luck. We had a fantastic experience together. I’ll remember it forever.
