6) The L Word: Fully cognizant of the soul-crushing power of adultery, Tina cheats on Bette — with a dude.
Instead of the compelling, fundamental stories that could have been explored with Bette (Jennifer Beals) and Tina (Laurel Holloman) after the birth of their daughter — like the pendulum of postpartum emotions or the nuances of relationship power shifts — the writers, in typical L Word-y fashion, plotted their whole story backwards.
Wondering why anyone would actually want to see a lesbian super-couple legitimately work out their crap and tumble toward redemption, the writers turned to their magnetic poetry kit, reached for a conflict, and found the only one that hadn’t fallen behind the refrigerator: infidelity!
Tacking “with a man” onto “cheating,” they called it a day, and promised to return tomorrow to find more inauthentic ways to propel the show’s fictional universe toward collapse.
5) Under the Tuscan Sun: Grace acts like Patti fell on top of herself and got pregnant.
In Under the Tuscan Sun, the idea of Grace (Kate Walsh) dropping Patti (Sandra Oh) before Patti drops their baby is a two-fold absurdity.
Lesbians don’t get knocked up on accident. The Egyptians spent less time planning the pyramids than a lesbian couple spends planning a pregnancy. They have to process the idea in at least three different languages, discuss it with their mutual and individual friends, and one partner at least has to get an advanced degree in obstetrics.
Somewhere in the middle of all that, before Patti’s third trimester, Grace would have decided she didn’t want to be a mom. That’s the first absurd thing.
The second absurd thing is, what lesbian in her right mind would ever break up with Sandra Oh?
4) Strangers in Paradise: Katchoo sleeps with Casey the night Francine is finally ready to take the plunge.
It would be impossible to quantify the number of times Katchoo and Francine break up while Francine sorts out her sexuality and Katchoo deals with her Darcy Girl past, but the most foolish breakup — the one that propels Francine to marry Brad — comes when Katchoo has sex with Casey.
After some therapy and a quick peek into the the lesbian section of the bookstore, Fran is ready take her relationship with Kat to another level. Unfortunately, Katchoo is nowhere to be found — unless you’re looking in their best friend’s bed.
Katchoo did some dumb stuff over the course of Strangers in Paradise, but falling into Casey’s temptation like original sin had to be the most dense way she ever caused a break up.