2009 Year in Review: Television

Unfortunately most of the characters who got their Sapphic freak on in 2009 were fauxmosexal Sweeps pawns. Gossip Girl‘s Vanessa and Olivia (played by Jessica Szhor and Hilary Duff) participated in a threesome purely for the benefit of a male character. Penny and Joanna (played by Sara Rue and Lindsay Price) shared a full moon-induced smooch on Eastwick. Even Susan and Gabby (played by Teri Hatcher and Eva Longoria Parker) locked lips on Desperate Houswives.

At least they got the desperate part right.

REALITY TELEVISION

If unscripted television has taught us one thing, it’s that there are “lesbians” and then there are “reality show lesbians.” Sometimes they’re the same thing; often they are not.

AfterEllen.com Editor in Chief, Karman Kregloe, wrote this about the upcoming reality series, The Real L Word:

Ultimately, lesbians and bi women, or, more specifically, lesbian and bi sexuality, have always been great for reality television (particularly when combined with booze and a hot tub). But reality television, save for a few exceptions, hasn’t always been great for us. That’s what makes me a bit nervous about The Real L Word. We all know that visibility matters, but the nature and context of that visibility are key.

We do not have the fortitude to highlight every reality show that exploited girl-on-girl kissing for the sake of ratings in 2009, so we’ll just mention the most obvious: MTV’s A Double Shot at Love with the Ikki Twins.

The dating show was MTV’s answer to the “void” left by Tila Tequila‘s A Shot at Love. In the new incarnation of the series, men and women competed for the affection of a pair of twins, hoping to win the love of one or both of them. After 24 elimination rounds and an unlimited supply of bikinis and booze, the Ikki twins chose contestant Trevor over contestant Rebekah.

What did they do with him? We’re assuming something icky. We think Rebekah probably dodged a bullet.

Unlike MTV, Bravo has made a name for itself by offering gay-friendly reality shows with loads of entertainment — as opposed to shock — value. Their headline lesbian is Tabatha Coffey, the fan favorite from the first season of Shear Genius.

Tabatha’s Salon Takeover aired its second season in 2009. On the show, Tabatha went into failing salons to whip the owners and stylists into shape. Her advice was often caustic — and almost always right.

Here are some of her more heated exchanges:

“You are the most f–king annoying, aggravating, arrogant, delusional man that I think I have ever met.”

In response to “I have to get a brush”: “You have to get a f–king brain as well.”

“Put some clothes on, because you look like a bunch of f–king hillbillies.”

“You look like you should be on a street corner.”

“I don’t give a f–k if you like me or not, because you know what? I can’t stand you.”

“This has to be the most ghetto, unprofessional thing I have seen in 26 years. It’s useless. Just absolutely f–king useless.

Like I said, Tabatha is a fan favorite.

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