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11 Best Valentine’s Day Dates

With Valentine’s Day coming up this weekend, we’ve put together a list of the 11 best lesbian and bisexual women to spend the year’s most romantic evening with.

And because we want nothing more than your happiness, we’ve given you a bonus tip on wooing each woman!

11) Helen Stewart, Bad Girls

The questions you ask yourself when considering a Valentine’s Day Date with Helen Stewart are not “Where will we go? What will we eat?” But rather, “Will she wear her leather jacket? Will she tuck her tongue between her teeth when she smiles? Is there even the slightest chance she will scold me?” Yes, to the jacket and the tongue thing, and you can probably bait her into chastising you. Just as the food arrives at your table, make a play for the restroom, but brace yourself: if she commands you to “sit down in that chair!” there is a chance you’ll swoon right into the soup.

Bonus tip: If, at any point in the evening, you find that your allegiance is being tested (i.e. the waiter asks you if Helen’s steak looks undercooked; the police officer asks you if Helen was speeding; the prisoners want you to help take over the jail), align yourself with Helen. Her amorous gaze is so much better than Glare of Death you’ll get if you’ve betrayed her.

10) Angela Montenegro, Bones

You may think that being a nerdy Jeffersonian wunderkind would make Angela socially inept. You would be wrong. She has enough social prowess to make up for her entire team at the Jeffersonian; she’s the only thing keeping them from drowning in a heap of gregarious incompetence. She loves her job, but she’s not married to it. If you can coax her out on Valentine’s Day, you’re in for a treat. She will bring out the most fun version of you.

Bonus tip: Maybe a date that doesn’t involve food would be a good choice. When Angela is around you never know whether or not you’ll happen to glimpse a half-decayed corpse.

9) Spencer Carlin, South of Nowhere

The thing about going on a Valentine’s Day Date with Spencer Carlin is that when you have her, you have her. A room full of influential people in fancy clothes going about their important lives with their alluring issues, and all Spencer wants to know is: How did everything go on your statistics mid-term? Earnest and lovable, loyal and patient. Plus she knows how to make the very best use of strategically placed undergarments and a rain coat.

Bonus tip: Make nice with her mom. She may look like a thoughtful, gorgeous, good-humored gay-rights activist, but that’s probably just her twin sister. Mama Carlin will drag you from the room by your ill-advised bangs if she sniffs something sinister about you.

8) Alice Pieszecki, The L Word

All of the first date jitters that accompany an entire evening of conversation with a complete stranger will be swept away only a few moments into your Valentine’s Day date with Alice Pieszecki. That is how long it will take you to realize that she could fill up three year’s worth of entire evenings of conversation with the dirt she has on everyone within a 50-mile radius of the restaurant in which you are dining, and she’s not afraid to lay anyone’s business bare. By dessert, it will be as if you’ve read the entire archive of Perez Hilton, but laughed so much louder, because Alice Pieszecki can weave a yarn worth hearing.

Bonus tip: If you plan to attend a closeted queer party that requires you to sign a non-disclosure agreement, swipe Alice’s phone – and the hidden camera she keeps strapped to her thigh.

7) Gray Baldwin, Gray Matters

Gray Baldwin may seem like the kind of girl you can just trick into taking a bubble bath with you – because obviously that’s what straight friends do – but in reality she is so much more than that. From ballroom dancing to bowling to rock climbing, Gray finds all sorts of athletic endeavors restorative. The possible activities for Valentine’s Day dates are endless! And because she’s practiced at doing therapy and physical activity at the same time, there is literally no situation you can concoct that she cannot process while it is happening. If emotional chow-chow is your thing (and if it’s not, get your Queer Card checked), Gray Baldwin is the date of your dreams.

Bonus tip: If you get bored with Gray, ask her to invite her best friend along. Molly Shannon is the balm for every ailment.

6) Alex Fisher, The Women

If you get lost, Alex will ask for directions. She only watches one TV show at a time. And the sex? Well, you’ll only get a coquettish smile when she’s talking about that. She’s a writer, which means any outbursts of verbal adoration will be warmly welcomed, but she’s just plucky enough to pretend she doesn’t need it. For a Valentine’s date, you can be sure Alex will wine and dine you with style – although beer is more her thing. Supermodels are also her thing, but she’s kind of bored with that scene.

Bonus tip: If you mess with her friends, she will kick your ass.

5) Callie Torres, Grey’s Anatomy

Due to the fact that that: a) Dr. Callie Torres is a hero surgeon, and b) Nearly every other staff member at Seattle Grace is incompetent, there is a decent chance she will get paged away during the middle of your Valentine’s Day date. Never fear; there is a special place at the hospital called the On Call Room, and if you think Dr. Torres is warm and expressive and just the right amount of arrogant on a normal day, you should experience her after she’s saved a life.

Bonus tip: The sooner you can convince her to move away from Seattle Grace, the better. And if you’re feeling particularly benevolent, take Dr. Yang and Dr. Bailey with you.

4) Tasha Williams, The L Word

There is literally no such thing as too much effort when it comes to planning a Valentine’s Day date with Tasha Williams. Whatever you put into it will be visited back on you one hundred fold when she graces you with her laughter. Nothing can prepare you for this moment. Oh, how you’d given up hope in the sound of magic after you lay awake all those Christmas Eves ago, yearning to hear the tintinnabulation of Santa’s sleigh. Yet here the magic is, in the glee of Tasha Williams. Can you bottle the sound and wear it as an amulet against the principalities of darkness in this world, you will wonder. Can the sound of such joy power the sun?

Bonus tip: Do not cheat on her – even in your mind. Captain Williams knows.

3) Lucy Diamond, D.E.B.S.

Tired of the ol’ flowers/dinner/movie V-Day combo? Consider Lucy Diamond. Perhaps she will confound your home security system, scale a wall and lead you away to a date at gun point. Perhaps she’ll take you off the beaten path to a rogue club. Or maybe, if you’re lucky, you two could hole up in her den of iniquity. If you’re looking for spontaneity, danger and an occasionally over-involved sidekick, Lucy Diamond is your girl. (Unless you’re a Russian assassin. In which case: keep looking.)

Bonus tip: Have the taking-a-bra-off-another-person thing down before you move toward second base with Lucy Diamond. One wrong snap, and you’ll be in a full-on elastic-cracking war.

2) Wil Pang, Saving Face

Yes, another surgeon. (Lesbians are drawn to doctorates like astronauts to stars.) Wil Pang may be a genius, but she’s also the kind of woman who will appreciate that the day after Valentine’s Day is when all the good candy goes on sale. It may take her a while to warm up to the idea of any sort of PDA, but she’s faithful and sincere, and just the kind of person you want on your side when the lines are drawn. And when the lines are drawn, she’ll slow dance you right out of the box.

Bonus tip: Don’t talk to her mom about your sex life. Wil prefers to let her think you spend your time together conjugating Latin verbs.

1) Luce, Imagine Me & You

Let us assume that you have created a list of qualities you are looking for in a Valentine’s Day date. Throw it away! Luce is the woman you’ve been looking for. She’ll bring you flowers and insight into your soul. She’ll choose the perfect wine with dinner. She’ll take you to a football match (soccer game, Yanks), warm your hands by a fire and explain your inevitable marriage to your little sister. And when you cannot compete with her level of articulation, she won’t care. “You’re a wanker, number nine!” is love letter enough for Luce.

Bonus tip: If she dares you to love her, do it.

Which character(s) would you spend your Valentine’s Day with? Let us know in the comments!

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